


29 days of Ineffable Fluff

by DarkAngel2891



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Addams Family, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Crack, Dorks in Love, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, I'm just throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing what sticks, Ineffable Bureaucracy (Good Omens), Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), Kissing, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Mild Agnst, Not Beta Read, One Shot, Other, Prompt Fic, Random & Short, Random Crossovers, Randomness, The Night At Crowley's Flat (Good Omens), Why did I agree to this?, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:42:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 25,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22517200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkAngel2891/pseuds/DarkAngel2891
Summary: 29 days of Fluffy stories of the all the idiots of Good Omens.
Relationships: Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens)
Comments: 66
Kudos: 92





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is from a prompt on Facebook to do 29 days of Fluffyness. Randomness insues.  
> First Chapter is a date fic and let's be honest the Ineffable Husbands have been dating for 6,000 years now. How about a couple that isn't given as much attention.  
> Also chapters might vary in length, this fic is not Beta-read constructive criticism is welcome.

**Anathema and Newt**

**Date.**

* * *

Where are you supposed to take someone who you met, slept with and saved the world with all in one afternoon? What would be a good date after all of that? 

These are the anxieties that plauged Newt as he tried to think up a plan for his and Anathema's first date. He saved the bloody world and got the girl yet he's completely at a loss of how to impress her. He thought about taking her out to a restaurant, but he doesn't have much money. She does but would it be rude to expect her to pay? Or is more rude for him to expect him to pay since he's is a man? 

It's not like he has many people to ask for advice on the subject. Shadwell is a cranky and crass man who honestly he can't see what Madame Tracy finds appealing about. The others are freaking kids and kids ideas of fun aren't exactly what adults would find meaningful. He supposes he could ask the two men who were also at the airbase. They seemed like a good example. They're obviously together and know each other very dearly. He decides to go ask one of them for advice. Remembering that Mr.Shadwell mentioning them as his buisness partners he tracks down the address of a Mr. A.Z.Fell. 

The walk to the bookshop is rather uneventful one, the rain had stopped. Although all the advertisements for adult pleasures is making him nervous and feeling like a letch. He enters the store to find it rather empty looking. 

"You're earlier than usual Crowley." A bright voice calls out. 

"Umm, no sorry. Just me, are you closed I can come ba-" Newt chatters on as a white haired man comes into view. He looks a lot like a cherub grown up. 

"Oh, Hello again dear boy." The man beams a smile that's so bright it's like the sun. 

"What a lovely surprise to see you again." 

"Mr. Fell isn't it?" Newt asks. 

"Well according to the sign yes. Any particular reason you're hear today?" The man looks impatient, like he's waiting for Newt to leave. 

"Umm yeah, I was wondering if you knew anything about, umm romance I guess." Newt stammered out. 

Aziraphale furrowed his brow. 

"Hmm, I have some romance books that you might try. But I can't say personally I know anything about it." 

"But surely you know something I mean you and Mr.Crowley seem so happy and intune with each other." Newt responded. 

This caused Aziraphale to blush furiously. 

"I'm afraid you are quite mistaken dear boy, Crowley and I are just friends. Nothing more." 

"Really? I'm sorry I assumed otherwise I'll just go, umm you really don't have any advice you could give me?" Newt pleaded. Aziraphale sighed and ten minutes later Newt was walking out of the store with a armful of romance novels. Most of which could've been bought at a gas station. As he stepped back out into the street he ran into Mr.Crowley walking up, Who was holding a box of chocolates. 

"Hello Mr.Crowley." He tried to shake the mans hand but fumbled and one of the books tumbled out. Thankfully Mr.Crowley caught it before it could fall into a puddle. 

"Sultry Summer Nights? Sounds tantalizing, do I know you from somewhere?" Mr.Crowley stared at him trying to recall his face.

"Well yes, I was at the airbase. I was with the Anathema." He said.

"Anathema? Oh Book Girl! Now I remember, how are things with you two?" He smiled at him. Mischief playing at the corners of his mouth. 

"Doing well I guess, I was actually looking for advice on a proper date." He silently pleaded for any advice. 

"Dating advice? You're not going to get that from a bunch of dime store smut, kid. If you want my advice just take her to dinner and talk to each other, find out your likes and dislikes, and most important be honest with her. Tell her how you feel."

Newt looked at Mr.Crowley and back at the store where Mr.Fell was. He nodded in agreement and Mr.Crowley waved as he walked into the store. Peeking in the windows a little he saw Mr.Crowley hold out the candies the Mr.Fell. Mr.Fell just accepted them blushing but there was no kiss no hug, not even a handshake. Prehaps he shouldn't get his advice from these two. He just headed home. 

Later on that night Anathema called and asked him out. They went to a very nice restaurant in London. She was chatting away happily and he was contributing where he could. Meanwhile his brain was screaming in anxiety. Apparently she noticed this and asked him what was wrong. 

"I've never had a girlfriend before, or a boyfriend or any kind of romantic friend. So I'm not sure how to go about these things and, I think you are wonderful and, I don't want to make you think I'm not interested, nor do I want you to fix me or anything, I am I'm just not sure on what to do per se" 

He blurted out all at once, regretting even opening his stupid mouth. Anathema smiled and taking his hand. 

"To be honest, I don't know much of what I'm doing either. Why don't we just be friends first and we can figure out our relationship as we go?" She said smiling at him.

"I think that's a brilliant idea." He relaxed and thought to himself.

_"Mr.Crowley was right about being open and honest. So why doesn't he use his own advice?"_

Prehaps he will, But that's a story for another day.


	2. Love at first sight.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crawly is fresh from Hell and there's someone interesting in the Garden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2! And we go back to our lovable idiots.

  1. Love at first sight.



Crawly poked his head through the ground. He slithered up tasting the air. It was fresh and clean, smelling of a multitude of intoxicating scents. He looked up at the glowing star high in the sky. It warmed him in a way that the fires of Hell would never do, he could get used to this place. He observed Adam and Eve from the shelter of the trees.

Such curious beings humans are, at least Eve is. Adam seems more than content to do nothing while Eve explores the garden. It isn't that hard to sneak up on her, she has no reason to be afraid of him. She listens eagerly as he speaks of the stars and what they're made of. Crawly can see the intelligence in her eyes, hidden behind the layer of innocence. It doesn't take much prompting to encourage her to eat the apple. How was he supposed to know that God would react the way she did. 

As Adam and Eve leave the Garden, Crawly watches an angel pace the top of the gate. The angel has hair like that of clouds.(which have just been invented.) He slithers up onto the wall next to the fretting angel. Just talking to him and Crawly is already feeling a strange feeling in his chest. Then the angel, Aziraphale smiles and laughs at the joke he makes. That feeling grows stronger, and again it grows when Aziraphale shelters him from the rain. 

As they sit on the wall watching Adam and Eve sleep Crawly observes Adam pull Eve flushed against him. She settles into his arms and puts her mouth against his. This intrigues Crawly. 

"Say Aziraphale." 

"Hmm?" 

"What's that they're doing?" 

"I believe it's called a kiss My Dear." 

Crawly's heart beats heavy in his chest. 

"What's a kiss? Why are they doing that?" 

Aziraphale looks at him and smiles, Crawly is so lost in the beauty and warmth of it that he misses what the angel says.

"Sorry, what?" 

"I said that they're doing it because they're in love." 

"Is that so?" 

Crawly knows what love is, he knows it because he knows the name of the thing ripped from him. He knows it's absence, but what he can't wrap his head around is why the absence isn't as prominent around the angel. He finds himself staring at the angels lips. Wondering how they'll taste, if the angel would want to kiss him. One looks of those blue eyes and that damned sunbeam smile and Crawly realizes that he is fucked. He flees before he can act upon his traitorous heart and kiss the angel. 

"He'll never feel the same way about me. He's an angel, I'm a demon." 

Crawly says to himself, not knowing that Aziraphale is thinking the same thing about him.

Still he hopes to see the angel again soon. Maybe one day Crawly can be honest with the angel who causes his heart to beat so. 

  
  



	3. Chapter 3 Soulmates AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little dip into a world where a mysterious company promises true love if you seek it. What will our Ineffable Idiots find?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O might write full length stories for some of these if you would be interested in that

**"Cupid2U: Let us do the searching for you. With a 99.9% satisfaction rate you're sure to hit the right target."**

  
  


Aziraphale looked at the form he filled out for Cupid2U, Sighing to himself he thought this all rather insane. It was a the prompting of his brother and sister that he was doing this. They had insisted that he go ahead and get on with it they had done it and were marvelously happy with their soulmates.

They raised a good point though. The vast majority of everyone in the world found their soulmate through Cupid2U. Some were lucky enough to meet before they were old enough for it. A fair few had no interest in a soulmate. 

For a long time Aziraphale's family wondered if he was like those fair few, not interested in a romantic relationship. The truth was he was he just didn't think he was anything special. He was chubby and soft, always had his nose in a book and he didn't think he was all that smart either. He looked at the form and put it in the envelope. Kissing it for good luck he put it in the mailbox. Thinking to himself that surely this is a fool's game after all who could possibly love him?

* * *

Crowley was grumbling to himself and shooting dirty looks up at his cousin, who was styling his hair. They had gone ahead and filled out the Cupid2U form without his input. They filled out the entire thing and mailed it off without letting him know. His cousin gave a rather tight pull to his curls after he had said something along the lines of. "Nosey gnat." 

"You zit around all day, bitching and whining about not having a relationship zince Lucifer left you. Truzt me you needz thiz. Besidez you are well pazt the uzual age of people that uze the C2U." Bee buzzed as they finished his hair. 

"But that'sss my point, what if I get ssomeone who is way younger than me?" He hissed back.

"I think you're making excuzez, no one under 20 is allowed to uze the program and even if you get zomeone younger than you it's not zet in ztone or law. There'z people who don't ztick to who the program offers for them."

Bee straightened his tie. 

"Now youz are going to go meet with thiz person and try to get zome." Bee finished as he grumbled more, then they started working on themselves. 

"Off on another date with Mr. Holier than thou? Crowley snickered as they threw a hairbrush at him. 

  
  


An hour past and he pulled up to the restaurant where his "soulmate" was supposed to be. He was right on the dot, he clips the red rose to his jacket. As he stepped inside he flashed the C2U card at the hostess. At least the program pays for the first date. He was taken to the section they have set aside for people like him. He glances around looking for the man called Aziraphale. He spots a head of white blonde hair tucked into a book. He stares for a minute as he takes in the man. He's wearing clothes that are at least a century out of date and yet he makes them look good. Crowley notices a small white rose buttoned into his coat, swallowing his nerves he strides forward. The man seems to take no notice of him, as he reads the works of Oscar Wilde. 

"Hello." Crowley clears his throat as the man looks up from his book. He holds out his hand.

The man jumps a little and blushes putting aside the book. Damn he's adorable Crowley thinks looking into those soft blue eyes and those cherub cheeks. 

"Frightfully sorry-?" 

"Crowley." 

"Crowley, I'm Aziraphale, I'm afraid I found myself here rather early and thought I'd read for awhile." Aziraphale shook his hand as he sat. 

"So sorry about being rude." Aziraphale sputtered and Crowley found himself wanting to reassure him that he wasn't upset in the slightest. But his brain wouldn't catch up with his mouth, seemingly without him realizing it his mouth spoke for him. 

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."

Aziraphale blushed at this and smiled. And Crowley realized he would do anything to see that smile again and again. 

They chatted away as the waitress came to take their order. Crowley ordered a small salad and Aziraphale followed before Crowley encouraged him to order whatever he wanted. After all the company was the one paying for everything. Aziraphale smiled and ordered a bunch of food paired with a good wine. They continued to chat for hours on end only stopping when a waitstaff informed them that it was time to close. 

They got outside and as Aziraphale was saying his goodbye Crowley stopped him.

"Can I drive you home? It's really late and my car is right there." Crowley tried not to sound desperate. 

"I think I'd like that." Aziraphale smiled again and followed Crowley to his car, he let out a small pleased gasp when he saw The Bentley. 

They got in and headed off. Pulling up to the bookshop Aziraphale called home, Crowley turned down the radio "Lover Boy." Was crooning from it. Aziraphale looked at the door to his shop and back at Crowley who was staring at him silently begging for this not to end. 

"Would you like to come up for a nightcap?" Aziraphale asked. 

Crowley's brain was going to fast for him so he just nodded. 

They found themselves in the backroom of the shop laughing and drinking with each other. Crowley sat next to Aziraphale and felt himself get warmer as the angelic man leaned into him. 

He felt a hand brush his cheek right where his tattoo was. Aziraphale was staring at him with hungry eyes, Crowley blushed. Aziraphale leaned closer and kissed him deeply. Crowley kissed back and was soon being undone by this man. He shuddered in pleasure as the man kissed his neck and they were soon peeling the layers off each other. 

Afterwards Aziraphale was asleep tucked into him. Crowley heard his phone ping it was his cousin Bee. 

**Where are you?**

**Sorry Bee, I'm with my date and lost track of time.**

**I told you so, what's he like is he cute?**

**Shut up,......Yes.**

**Well don't let me keep you away from your man.**

**Goodnight Bee.**

**It's two in the morning, so it's actually Good Morning.**

**Well I'm going to sleep now, so goodnight, little gnat.**

**Goodnight Serpent.**


	4. Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The important kisses throughout history.

The world's first kiss was between newly awakened humans. It tasted of apples and of dust, it was a new thing and it led to the discovery of more new things. An angel and a demon watched curiously as the two pressed themselves together. They could feel the love pouring from the two, but the demon could feel another sensation. Lust, it had just become a thing. The world's first kiss was full of innocence and curiosity at what life could hold.

* * *

The next important kiss in our story takes place in a Satanic Nunnery. It's not like the first one filled with lust. Although lust is what brought us to this kiss. This kiss is filled with love, bursting with it. So much of it is packed up that it's spilling over the eyes of the new parents. As Deedrie Young holds her new baby she kisses his cheek and her love spills into him. It is this kiss along with so many others that will let the boy know love. Will let him realize that the world is worth saving. A simple sweet kiss filled with love and hope.

* * *

We go to another kiss, a kiss that has been predicted for hundreds of years. It is resolute, it is predetermined and it is filled with fear and determination. It was predicted to happen and so it does. It will lead to more new things yet predicted things, and yet it will lead to a chance to live one's life away from predestination. Should the two decide to stick together might be written down somewhere. But that somewhere is nothing but ash, who wants to live by what will happen. Is it not better to live not knowing? 

It's a fierce and determined kiss. One that opens the door for a future written by the individual.

* * *

Our last kiss has been 6,000 years in the making. 6,000 years of stolen glances and pining. 6,000 years before a stubborn and bit of a bastard angel feels safe enough to cross the line drawn by the good hearted demon. It happens not long after they reach the demons flat. A puddle of holy goo is melted away, a bottle of wine is opened. There on the couch is a prim angel and a laid-back demon. The angel fearful of what tomorrow will bring, fearful of the possibility of it all ending for them leans into the demons arms. They come together and the world sighs dreamily. They hold one another and get lost in each other. This kiss is full of apologies and forgiveness, of chastity and lust. It speaks of words unsaid and actions given, it speaks of star crossed lovers long before such a thing existed. It speaks of home and endless unconditional love. It's full of tears and laughter.

Of gentle sighs and passionate cries. It is one of hope that it won't be the last one. 


	5. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short one today. I changed it because going through my files I found this I liked better.

Demons are incapable of love. They lost the ability when they Fell and had all the love and grace ripped from them, at least that's what they're told. There is great power in belief and when you've just done a trillion light-years freestyle dive into a boiling pool of sulphur, you tend to believe what those who pulled you from the pool tell you. After all they're just like you so they know what the loss feels like. 

Crawly had accepted this although he couldn't replace it with hate, not exactly. Because it felt like there was something else residing where his hate was supposed to be. Just a tiny microscopic sliver of something that he couldn't remember the name of. 

Demons are incapable of love he'd accepted that, accepted it until he talked to the golden haired angel. The angel who risked retribution by giving his own flaming sword to the humans. Crawly felt the sliver flicker in him, it felt in the tiniest way like love.


	6. Romance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Crowley and Aziraphale unknowingly started many romantic traditions and gestures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm actually working on a full fic about Crowley being the one who started the trend of people calling their loves Angel or bringing them flowers and chocolates. Gender pro-nouns will change for Crowley at random. Non-Canon compliant. 

Wessex

"Angel!" 

The bar man watches as the red-headed woman lights up as the blonde enters the room. He smiles to himself as he watches them walk side by side. Ah to be young and in love. They make for an interesting pair, but love radiates from them so much it's contagious. Finishing cleaning the bar he locks up and heads home where his beautiful wife is waiting with dinner. He finds her humming to herself, years have stolen away their youth but in the light of the fading sun she's just as beautiful as ever. He comes up behind her and kisses her cheek. 

"Hello my angel." He whispers to her. She smiles and turns around. 

"Angel? That's a new one." She likes it nonetheless. 

"I heard a young woman call her husband it, and as they left together it made me think of you and how much I adore you." He tells her.

"You big softy." She laughs and they hold each other tightly.

* * *

1800 London 

Crowley hopes he's succeeded in keeping Aziraphale on earth. He walks back to the shop chocolates in hand, ducking behind an alleway as Gabriel and Sandalphon pass a young man watches from across the street. The young man watches with curiosity as the redhead enters the soon to be opened bookshop. He watches as the redhead hands the other man a box of chocolates. To which the other man lights up and a blush can be seen from where he stands. He looks away who is he to judge these two, in his opinion he doesn't see how it's anyone else's business what two adults do. Still it gives him the idea to stop by the sweet shop and pick out a few small treats for his lady love. He picks ones he knows she'll like, smiling to himself he heads towards her house.

* * *

1942 London

Aziraphale pauses outside Crowley's flat. It's the first time he's been here. He heard that custom requires you to bring a housewarming gift, so he's holding a small plant pot with an orchid in it. He is unaware that it's a particularly romantic Cupid's Arrow Orchid. A flower for lovers, he smiles as Crowley's neighbor heads out. Knocking on the door it opens to Crowley, female presenting today. She lights up with a 

"Hello Angel." and beckons him inside. He hands her the flower and she blushes at it. 

Not noticing her neighbor watching the two of them. The neighbor decides to bring home a flower bouquet for his wife tonight.

* * *

Neither Crowley nor Aziraphale ever realized that while Heaven and Hell weren't watching the humans were. Neither of them realized just how many romantic traditions they started, they're idiots but from an early time the humans could see the love and romance between the two. Even when they failed to see themselves.


	7. Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't take advice from a demon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was fun to write. Gabriel should be careful who he trusts. 😜

Crowley woke up to his phone ringing. He whined as he sat up. Groggily reaching for the blasted thing, he didn't recognize the number. So he hung up, it rang again he hung up, it rang a fourth time. He was hissing at his phone threatening to send it straight to hell where it belongs, when he heard Aziraphale next to him.

"Crowley, Dearest just answer the phone." Aziraphale mumbled as he turned over to go back to sleep.

Crowley huffed at this but got up to answer the phone anyways. 

"Who are you, and What in Satan'sss name could be sso important that you have to call me?" He hissed into the phone swinging into the kitchen.

"Well, you certainly are a ray of sunshine aren't you." Crowley froze he knew that condescending voice anywhere. 

"Gabriel? Why the hell are you calling me?" Crowley looked around for any sign of the Archangel being anywhere near the flat. 

"Look, I have a question for you and I only trust you to understand." Gabriel sounded like he was squeezing these words out. 

Crowley's eyebrows shot up practically into his hair. A thousand painful possibilities ran through his head. What could the Archangel want from him? Had he figured out their switcheroo, if he did would he soon be swooping in to capture them? With a nervous breath he responded. 

"And that iss?" 

"What are Beelzebub's favorite flowers?" Gabriel sounded pained as it came out. 

Crowley felt his legs give slightly as the weight of the world left him. 

"Why the hell are you assking me?" Crowley felt very confused. 

"Because you and Aziraphale are the only ones who…." A very pregnant pause hung in the air. "You two are the only ones who know what it's like…." Gabriel paused again. 

Crowley snickered.

"Go on then." He would have fun with this one. 

Gabriel let out an annoyed huff. 

"You two are the only ones who know what it's like to be in love with some on the other side, and you are the only one who might possibly know Bee well enough to answer me." Gabriel finally answered. 

Crowley was having a hard time not bursting out laughing. 'Bee' he would have to use that later. 

"Sso you want me to help you? But what do I get out of it?" 

"You want me to make a deal with you? You!" Gabriel sounded mad. 

"I just want to know what I get in return for giving you this classssified information."

Crowley was loving this. 

"What would you want? We already agreed to leave you two alone." Gabriel replied. 

"And calling me in the middle of the night iss leaving usss alone is it?" 

"It's 7 in the morning there!" 

Crowley paused allowing Gabriel to stew in silence. He peeked into the bedroom where his Angel was fast asleep, he smiled to himself.

"Alright, I know what I want. And don't worry sunshine it's not your soul or anything." 

"What is it?" Gabriel asked. 

Crowley asked for a copy of a book of parables only found in heaven. Gabriel paused before answering. 

"Fine it's yours as soon as you tell me what Their favorite flowers are." Gabriel surrendered.

"Roses…. Big bright pink and yellow roses. Oh and you'll want to get them a big box of really ssweet chocolatesss as well." He smiled to himself as he relayed this info. Gabriel wrote it down repeating every detail. 

"Great, I'll get that book to you." 

There was a pause before a chiming sounded through the room. The book sat on the counter and Crowley picked it up. It was all there, the residual holiness might have made him itch but it'll be worth it. He could already picture Aziraphale's face tomorrow when he took him to dinner. He snapped the book to a hidden place.

Gabriel hung up with a quick goodbye and Crowley crawled back into bed. Aziraphale shifted over to cuddle up to him. 

"Who was that dearest?" He asked sleepily.

"The Archangel fucking Gabriel." He said, 

Aziraphale shot up. 

"What did he want?!" Aziraphale sounded nervous. 

"He wanted to know what kind of flowers to give Beelzebub for Valentine'sss day." Crowley was snickering.

Aziraphale's face went from worried, to shocked, to confused, before he settled back down. 

"Him and Beelzebub? Really now, that's quite hypocritical." Aziraphale sighed. "What did you tell him?" 

"I told him that they really like roses, big pink and yellow roses." Crowley was laughing at this. 

Aziraphale paused for a minute. 

"Didn't you once tell me that Beelzebub is allergic to roses?" He looked at the naughty demon

"Yup" Crowley said popping the 'P'. 

Aziraphale just shook his head and pulled him closer. 

"You're quite the naughty demon aren't you?" 

He whispered into Crowley's ear. "I'll have to teach you a lesson again." He nipped at the demons ear causing him to shudder in delight. 

"Guesss you will." Crowley looked into his eyes hungrily. 

Aziraphale smiled mischievously.

* * *

Crowley was right about the book, Aziraphale was so happy he started crying. Luckily he waited until they got home to give it to him.

In another part of the city an Archangel hastily vanished all the roses in the room. Whilst apologizing profusely as his date tried to glower at him through swollen eyes. Luckily the chocolates were enough to pacify the demon prince. 

  
  
  



	8. Gifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Language of flowers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who has four thumbs and MDD? Me! Sorry about the delay on my stories, having a rough week. But they're being worked on so expect Cults, and Birds and Bees to be updated by the end of the week.   
> Check the end notes for flower meanings.

"Nanny!" Warlock ran up to her covered in mud. 

Nanny Asoterath smiled as he bounded up to her. 

"What is it, my little Hellspawn?" She ruffled his hair. He giggled and held some yellow flowers out to her.

"Brother Francis said to give these to you, he said they're called Ac- acaca." 

Nanny smiled and blushed as she recognized the little yellow buds. 

"It's pronounced Acacia little king. Now look at yourself. Covered head to toe in mud, did you get anyone else?" Nanny tucked the flower into her hair. 

"I nailed the butler in the head as he fetched the mail. But Brother Francis said I should apologize." Warlock pouted. 

"It's alright to have some fun but actions have consequences, now let's go get you cleaned up." Nanny picked up Warlock and carried him giggling upside-down to the bath. 

She wore the flower all day and later that night she placed it in her drawer. Inhaling the scent again she preserved it with a demonic miracle to never wilt. She laid awake in bed that night wondering if Aziraphale knew the language of flowers like she did. Perhaps he didn't though, perhaps he just wanted to get Warlock out of the hair of the butler. She sighed and turned over falling asleep promptly.

Over the next few weeks, months and years. Aziraphale would regularly send Warlock with flowers for Nanny. A white rose, pink and red camellias, gardenias, blue salvia and arbutus. If anyone found it odd that Brother Francis was able to produce all these flowers. Without them being seen anywhere else in the garden, it slipped their minds as soon as they thought about it.

Each little gift Crowley tucked away, preserved and held dearly. It was as they were moving Crowley's things into the moving van, that Aziraphale stumbled across them. 

"You kept every single one?" He picked up the Acacia and sniffed it. It smelled just like it did on the day he first grew it. 

Crowley came up and looked in, blushing a little he turned away. 

"Yeah, and don't think I didn't know what you were saying with them either." He smiled at Aziraphale sheepishly. 

"Whatever do you mean?" Aziraphale smiled back playfully. 

"Oh please angel, I know flower language. Though I have to say I don't think anyone uses it anymore." Crowley watched as Aziraphale delicately went over each blossom. 

"Such a shame, I always thought it a lovely way to send messages when you can't say them aloud." Wistful tears pricking his eyes. 

"Everything is different now, we don't have to hide behind secret messages anymore." Crowley kissed him gently and started to take the dresser downstairs.

Aziraphale is a little sad at this, yes it was true they didn't have to hide anymore. But he felt a little nostalgic about it nonetheless. 

"Come on angel everything is packed away, let's head out." They left the now empty flat and loaded up into the car. Newt and Anathema followed behind them in moving van. 

It was a good couple of hours before they made it to the cottage. After everything was unloaded from the van, Newt and Anathema were well fed. Aziraphale began the long process of unpacking his books. He could do it quickly with a miracle but he won't, he reveals in the work. As he works Crowley sneaks up behind up, Crowley quietly inches closer to the distracted angel. He grins wickedly as he prepares to snarl and spook him. Before he can utter a single sound Aziraphale snaps with a "Don't even think about it." 

Crowley slumps in defeat before throwing his arm around Aziraphale's shoulders. 

"Come on angel I got something to show you." 

Aziraphale wants to continue to work but Crowley is insistent on demanding his attention. Huffing he puts his books down and allows Crowley to pull him outside and to the greenhouse they set up for the Serpent. 

Crowley beams as he pushes in the doors and Aziraphale is taken aback by the view. 

Forget-me-nots, blue violets, primrose and arbutus fill the rows, there in the middle is a blooming orange tree. Crowley pulls Aziraphale down the rows he breathes deeply taking in their scents and meanings. 

"It's not the right time to plant them outside just yet, but they'll do just fine in here." Crowley smiles at his Angel. 

"They're perfect, my dear." Aziraphale pulls him over and kisses him deeply. His soppy hearted demon has given him a beautiful gift, he just sighs happily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Acacia- hidden love.  
> White Rose- innocent/pure love  
> Camillas pink- longing for you  
> Camillas red- you're a flame in my heart  
> Blue salvia- I think of you  
> Gardiena- secretly infatuated  
> Arbutus- I only love thee  
> Forget-me-nots - true love  
> Primrose- I can't live without you  
> Blue violets- I'll always be true to you  
> Orange blossoms- eternal love


	9. Connection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley isn't the only one who can sense where the other is.

12th century I

Aziraphale was walking through the streets of Venice taking in the warm summer's evening. When he felt something call out to him, It was pained, desperate and the source was gut punchingly familiar. He sped up and followed the connection it grew stronger the closer he got to it. He came around a church and heard a familiar cry from inside, Voices followed.

"Flee from this body demon! Relinquish it to the human you have possessed." A gruff voice called out and the sound of whip followed. 

There was a meaty thud as Crowley's voice whimpered out. 

"I'm not possessing anyone, this is my body." Crowley puffed out his voice tired and scratchy. 

Aziraphale drew closer hiding his form as he took the scene in. Crowley was chained to a wall, surrounded by three men. Priests from the look of their clothes, Crowley's skin was burning where it touched the consecrated grounds of the church. He was trembling as he tried to keep pushing himself up so he could find some relief. The whip fell again and he cried out as he slammed into the ground. One of the men turned to the others. 

"The demon will not yield, what do we do now Father?" The man asked looking at Crowley shudder. 

"We must exorcise the creature and call upon an angel to banish it." The Father opened a book. Flipping to the desired page, he began to read from it. Crowley squirmed and cried out some more as each word of Latin slammed into his skull. Aziraphale waited for the right moment. 

"As the Father of this Church I call upon the Heavens to aid me!" Aziraphale prepared himself. Crowley was growing still, Aziraphale could feel his spirit grow weaker. 

"Heavenly hosts send an angel to banish this creature back to the pit." 

Aziraphale released a small ball of light enough to make the men turn away as he jumped in front of Crowley. 

"Your prayers are heard, my child for I am the Principality Aziraphale. What do you ask of me?" He spoke to the men trying to shield Crowley from view. 

"This demon has possessed a human and will not release him." The Father pointed to Crowley. 

"I see, very well then. Begone." Aziraphale motioned for the men to leave. The Father and one other obeyed but one of the men remained.

"Why?" He asked.

"Why what?" Aziraphale was growing impatient. 

"Why do we have to leave? Can you not banish the creature now?" This man asked too many questions. Aziraphale bit his lip, Crowley wasn't making any noise.

"I could but it would most likely kill you. And I don't want that to happen so please leave." 

The man did not budge. 

"How do I know you're not a demon as well?" He asked. 

Aziraphale had had enough with a quick miracle he temporarily blinded the man. While the man stumbled around he released Crowley's chains and scooped him up. Fleeing from the church he ran quickly back to his lodgings. He laid Crowley down on his bedroll. Crowley's skin burned red with fever from the church and he wore a pained expression. Aziraphale fetched some cold water and tore up some cloth. He drenched the strips in the water and began work to cool him down. Crowley gasped at his touch and Aziraphale watched as his face relaxed. He kept vigil over Crowley for three days, healing him and keeping him safe. He could feel Crowley's spirit getting stronger. Finally as the evening of the third day began Crowley awoke with a start, He stared around groggily.

"Angel? Where am I?" 

"You're in my rooms dear. I'm afraid you've been out for three days now." Aziraphale helped him sit up.

"I was? What happened?" Crowley took the cup Aziraphale offered him knocking it back. It turned out to be a decent red. 

"Some priests were trying to exorcise you, in a church I might add. They came very close to discorperating you. Until I was able to step in." Aziraphale said. 

"That explains the burning sensation. Hold on, how did you know where I was?" Crowley was getting up with a grunt. 

"You called out to me, didn't you?" Aziraphale miracled a seat for Crowley at his table. 

"Naw I didn't even know you were in the area." Crowley grabbed the jug of wine and poured h and Aziraphale another cup. 

"That's strange." Aziraphale pondered this. "I was walking down the streets when I swear I heard or felt something call out to me. When I followed it, it led me to you." 

"Huh." Crowley shrugged. "Well I can't complain, now I don't have to put up with my lots 'reprimands' for losing a corporation." He and Aziraphale toasted. 

At that point it was still early in their friendship, that neither put much thought into just how they could sense the other. They also didn't think about how they could tell the other was in danger. Their connection went unnoticed by them for many years. Until that is a dark night in 1942 when a demon with burned feet sat on an angel's couch. They sipped wine and talked about what the other one had been up to lately. 

"Crowley. My dear." 

"Yeah, angel?" 

"How did you know where I was and that I was in trouble?" They were already three bottles in. 

"I don't know angel, I was minding my plants when something called to me. I listened." Crowley was staring at the angel watching the gears turn in his head. 

"But how did you know exactly where I was?" 

Aziraphale looked back at him and Crowley chewed his lip for a moment before answering. 

"I followed something. I can't really explain it but for as long as can remember, I've been able to feel your presence. So I followed the path it left for me." 

Aziraphale realized that he'd been doing the same thing with Crowley. 

"I know what you're talking about, it's like we're connected to each other. Somehow." Aziraphale drank another glass. 

"Probably has something to do with how long we've been on Earth, we're used to each other's presence." Crowley commented. 

"Yes I suppose you're right." Aziraphale replied. 

They left it at that and continued to drink. 

* * *

If you looked at the right angle at the right time, when the light hits them just so you would see a gleam of red. A thread that looks like it connects to their pinkys and each other. A connection that ties them to each other. Seen only by those who know where to look and then only at the right moments. 


	10. Bond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Human AU, Aziraphale is a college student stuck in a family that doesn't love him. When he and his friend Tracy find a spellbook in her attic Tracy convinces him to try one out. Enter the demon Crowley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok Aziraphale may still live with his family but he's actually 19 in this story. I might decide to make this into a full story what do you guys think? Kudos and Comments are enjoyed and Constructive criticism is welcome.

Aziraphale wasn't exactly sure how he got here. 

Sitting in the middle of his friend's living room hovering over summoning circle and lighting candles. 

_ "Good Lord, if my family finds out they're going to kill me, Father will be a complete nightmare."  _

He fretted as Tracy laid out the supplies. 

"Zira relax, it's only a game." She smiled as the last candle was lit, She pulled out the book they had found in her attic. 

"It says here that all we need to do is say these words and we should be able to summon a proper demon." She smirked at him. 

"Must we though? I'm not sure this is a good idea." Aziraphale worried his hands as he stared at the words. 

"It'll be fun, besides we're smart enough to not sell our souls or anything. Right? Let's begin." 

They sat at the edge of the circle, across from each other. Tracy began to chant out the words but she was fudging on the last one. Aziraphale grew annoyed and snatched the book away from her. As he did his finger slit itself on a page of the book. A drop of blood fell from it as he properly pronounced the word, the drop hit the circle. Suddenly the lights in the room blinked out, Save for the candles. The circle glowed red and there was something rising from the middle of it. 

Aziraphale and Tracy looked at each other in horror as a genuine demon appeared. The demon was a long, lithe creature with hair of fire and golden eyes. A snake tattoo was on his right temple. He looked around the room, hands shoved into his pockets, and he smiled at the two of them. 

"Hello there, thanks for letting me out of Hell, to whom do I have to thank for the blood?" A warm voice asked. 

Tracy and Aziraphale looked down at themselves checking for cuts. Aziraphale let out a small whimper as a bead of blood appeared on his ring finger. He was trembling as Tracy pointed to him. The demon laughed at this. 

"And your name is?" The demon paced the circle. 

"A-az Aziraphale, sir. Please." Aziraphale's voice wavered. 

The demon looked concerned at the trembling boy. 

"Please what?" He asked

"Please don't drag him to Hell, it was my idea! It was just a game. We didn't know it would actually work!" Tracy pleaded as Aziraphale sputtered in the corner. He looked unable to speak at the moment. 

"So what you decided to try demon summoning just for kicks?" The demon looked at her eyebrow raised. "Let me see the book you used." 

Tracy handed it to him. 

"We found it in the attic we didn't think it would actually work." She pleaded.

The demon glared at her as he flipped to the page. He shook his head. 

"Haven't you ever seen a horror movie like the Evil Dead?" He asked. Tracy nodded. Aziraphale just shook his head. 

"So you've seen that movie, and yet you think it's a smart idea to go reading Latin from an old book you found. You wouldn't last a minute in a horror movie, let alone with a more sinister spell. Lucky you happened to pick the most benign one." He found the page and held it out to Aziraphale. "Latin, boy. You were the one who read the binding words and gave your blood. Have a look." 

"Go on read then, read it. Translate to English for your friend here." Aziraphale swallowed and began to read. 

"With my blood I bind thee to me, with these words thou art mine. I can command thee to my will, thou will be bound to me until the day I die…That's it? No Hellfire? No demons coming through the floor to drag my screaming soul into eternal damnation?" Aziraphale asked with pleading eyes. The demon smiled at him. 

"Unless you command me to kill someone or make a deal for your soul that's it. So Master what would you have me do?" The demon stepped out of the circle and bowed, he didn't seem all that afraid of him. 

Aziraphale paled at the word, Master was not something he'd want to hear. 

"Tell me your name, please." He asked. 

The demon smirked.

"It's Crowley, Aziraphale." He winked at him and Aziraphale blushed at this. 

"Umm, I'd quite like for you to leave. If you don't mind." Aziraphale said. 

Crowley smiled at him. 

"Very well then. You should know that I'm bound to earth as long as you're alive, I'm just a call away." 

With that he vanished and Aziraphale collapsed Tracy ran to him. 

"Oh, Aziraphale I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have dragged you into this. Are you ok, please be ok." Her voice was panicked.

"I think I'd quite like to go home. If you wouldn't mind." Aziraphale was feeling light-headed. He could really use some food and maybe a nap. 

Tracy called his mother and told her that Aziraphale wasn't feeling well. Within 15 minutes Aziraphale was in his mom's car heading home. His head was pounding as he entered his house, thanking his mom for the ride he made himself some tea and a sandwich before heading to bed. 

He tried to sleep but laid awake staring at the ceiling, a couple of hours must have passed and he fell into a lite doze. Only to be woken up by his father slamming the front door. He turned over as he heard his father's raised voice carry through the house. 

Heavy footsteps reached his door and he closed his eyes as it swung open. Pretending to be asleep he heard him walk to his bed and sit. 

Gabriel said nothing, at first. 

"Get up Aziraphale." In a harsh tone, He shook his shoulder and Aziraphale opened his eyes. Sitting up properly he met his father's gaze. 

"Why don't you tell me what you were doing at Tracy's house, alone. Without her parents there as well." Gabriel shot him a severe look. 

Aziraphale knew what he was thinking, he thought him and Tracy were hooking up with each other. Why else would a boy visit a girl's house? He supposed he was a little grateful though, his father didn't even suspect that his compass didn't point to women. 

"Umm, well you see, we were umm." Aziraphale stammered.

"Speak clearly Aziraphale." Gabriel commanded. 

"Terribly sorry, we had been talking at school and well I thought I could." Aziraphale paused for a second. "I wanted to bring her to Jesus. We had been going over the creation story when I felt ill." 

He mentally apologized to Tracy who had a live and let live attitude for life. Gabriel smiled at this.

"Most commendable My son, you should have started with the crucifixion story first. But I applaud your efforts. Even though they'll fail. They are to be admired." Aziraphale frowned. 

"Why would they fail?" He winced his father didn't like questions. 

"That girl is Hellbound, I'm to understand that she likes to parade about taunting and tempting any boys she can come across. I doubt you'll be able to lead her away from that life, Still I admire your dedication in spite of it." 

Aziraphale smiled tightly. Sandalphon must have been talking about her to their father. Gabriel patted his leg and went to head out.

"You can rest for the night but come sunrise I want to see you up for prayers and chores." 

He closed the door with a sharp snap.

"Like Sandalphon is one to talk." He muttered to himself. He's seen the way his little brother skirts around the corridors of school, hitting on all the pretty girls he can. 

His perfect Quarterback all star brother. Mother and Father just adore him and Uriel. Perfect children headed for perfect lives and perfectly set up for life. Meanwhile he's the closeted, shy, bookworm, twicthy older brother who can't even afford to leave home while he's in college. As he's moping he hears a small pop, starled he jerks up and sees the demon sitting in his chair at his desk. 

"What are you doing here?! How long have you been here?" He pulled the covers up to his chin. 

Crowley smirked at him. 

"Don't worry Master, I came in after you were asleep. Not the kind of demon to peep on people. Bond or no bond." 

Aziraphale huffed. 

"Please don't call me Master, it unnerves me. Really the idea of owning people." Aziraphale shuddered. 

Crowley gave a small smile at this, it was softer and sweeter than the others. 

"I'm not people, Angel. I'm a demon." He watched as the angel blushed. 

"Still though, you should have a right to autonomy. I'm not interested in ordering someone around like that." Aziraphale looked down sadly. "I know all too well what it's like to be ordered about." 

"That wanker your father?" Crowley came and sat on the edge of his bed. 

Aziraphale just nodded. 

"I don't know what he was talking about, that girl may stick her nose into things best left alone. But that doesn't mean she's Hellbound, neither are you by the way." 

Crowley was wearing a pair of sunglasses. 

Aziraphale looked hopeful but confused at this. 

"It takes a lot more to tarnish a soul than a simple binding ritual. Must be nice though." 

Crowley was looking directly at him.

"What's nice dear?" Aziraphale found himself getting lost in the golden eyes. 

"Having a soul, being human. Can I ask you something?" 

Aziraphale nodded.

"What's food like?" 

This made Aziraphale laugh. 

"Food? You're a millennia old demon and you want to know what food is like?" He giggled.

"Yeah well demons don't actually eat anything but raw meat. Gets boring after awhile." Crowley pouted.

"Can you eat anything else?" Aziraphale pondered. Crowley shrugged he wasn't sure. 

"Well I can show you tomorrow, I'm afraid the cabinets are locked up for now." Aziraphale sighed his mother had started locking up the kitchen after one to many complaints from father about Aziraphale's weight.

  
  


Crowley just nodded and slid off the bed. Aziraphale watched as he pooled into a snake at the foot of his bed. He eyed him curiously.

"You're the snake aren't you? The Serpent of Eden, I thought the Serpent was Lucifer!" 

The snake just nodded. 

"Don't believe everything you read there'sss more to those sssotries than you can imagine." 

Crowley hissed out. 

Aziraphale was intrigued.

"Will you tell me?" He asked. 

"Yessss if you will ssshow me what being human isss." Crowley replied. 

"Then we have an arrangement. Goodnight Crowley." Aziraphale tucked back into bed.

"Goodnight Angel." Crowley fell asleep promptly. 

As the days went by Aziraphale and Crowley learned a lot about each other. Aziraphale learned that unless Crowley wanted it, only he could see and hear Crowley. This meant he had to be careful around his family, Crowley learned that Aziraphale was a brilliant mind. Hungry and intrigued by knowledge not allowed by his family. Aziraphale learned that Crowley hated Hell and was gladly bound to him. This still unsettled Aziraphale but he said nothing in seeing the man smile and laugh.

Crowley also came to despise Aziraphale's family. They kept him squashed under their thumbs, constantly bringing him down and belittling him. To the point of tears, this is when Aziraphale learned that Crowley could be vindictive and loved playing pranks on them. Aziraphale found that he couldn't complain though, they grew to be the best of friends. 

Crowley loved learning about humans and loved the idea of being human. They would talk with Tracy and Crowley would tell her about what really lay beyond. Things were going so well and Aziraphale felt content for the first time in his life. That is until Sandalphon outed him to his parents. He had been having a private discussion with Tracy, Anathema and Newt only to notice that Sandaphon was lurking in the background. 

Gabriel confronted him and Crowley was standing there invisible and itching to act. 

"You're no son of mine, you've damned yourself to Hell. Get out of this house before you drag the rest of us down with you!" Gabriel struck out at him.

*SMACK* 

Aziraphale fell to the floor and this prompted Crowley to reveal himself.

**"HE'S NOT THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT HELL, GABRIEL GRACE."**

Gabriel took a step back as Crowley stepped in front of Aziraphale, his eyes were flaring with Hellfire. Gabriel looked like he was going to shit himself. 

**"YOU SPEAK OF HELL AND YET YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT IT. I'M FROM HELL, AND THERE ARE MORE PEOPLE LIKE YOU THERE THAN HIM."**

Crowley pointed at Gabriel who looked like a stuck pig. 

"Come on Angel, you don't need to be around people like this." He pulled Aziraphale up and held him tightly. They left the house and walked on their way to Tracy's house, before they got there Crowley stopped Aziraphale and put his hand to his cheek. Vanishing the bruise that was blooming there. 

"Thank you Crowley, I'm sorry about that." Aziraphale looked into his eyes.

"Don't apologize for shitty people angel, they're not worth it." 

Crowley pulled Aziraphale up the walkway and into Tracy's house. After announcing to her that Aziraphale would be staying until further notice he settled down into a chair. He watched Aziraphale pace around. 

"What is it Angel?" Crowley sat up straight. 

"You've been so good to me, you've freed me at yet there's nothing I can do to free you. Except die." Aziraphale looked broken hearted. 

Crowley chewed his lip. 

"There's something you can do. But I don't think you'd like it." He said as Aziraphale sat. 

"Tell me what it is and I'll decide whether or not I like it." Aziraphale was stubborn.

"We could perform the ritual of Ruth, it would make me human. It would give me a soul and free me from Hell, maybe not permanently I'm not sure what will happen when I die. But to me at least it would be worth it." Crowley's voice was filled with desire and hope. 

"Why do you think I wouldn't want that?" Aziraphale asked. 

"Because it would bind our souls together, eternally. It's basically a marriage ritual Angel." 

"Oh, I see." Aziraphale pondered this. 

Crowley sat back there was no way such a pure soul would tarnish itself with him. The Angel was perfect and beautiful, he would never love a demon. At most Crowley would at least get to remain his friend, that'd be enough for him. 

As Crowley was brooding Aziraphale came and sat next to him. 

"I'll do it." 

"You'll what?!" Crowley stared at him. 

"I'll perform the ritual with you." Aziraphale beamed at him. 

"You're sure. For it to work right you have to be one hundred percent sure, you can't fake it." 

Crowley sputtered hope flaring in his chest. 

"My dear, I love you so much. You're my best friend and I'd love to spend eternity with you." 

Aziraphale leaned in and kissed him. 

Crowley let out a grunt of surprise but kissed him back. They wrapped their arms around each other and that's how Tracy found them.

* * *

Tracy was more than happy to perform the reading for them, Anathema and Newt stood as their witnesses. They stood in a circle looking into each other's eyes, they spoke the vows together.

_**"Where thou goest I will go, Where thou liest I will lie. And where thou die I will be buried. I will remain bonded to thee for all of eternity."** _

Each made a small cut on their hand and with their shared blood the pact was sealed. They kissed as well, just because. 

Crowley's aura shifted from a demonic black to a vibrant red. He shuddered as he took in a deep breath and laughed at the sensation of breathing. Him and Aziraphale were staring into each other's eyes when a gurgle interrupted them. Crowley looked confused. 

"What was that?" He looked around.

Everyone laughed at him. 

"I think that's your stomach telling you it's hungry. My dearest." Aziraphale patted his hands. 

"Oh is that what that feels like." Crowley looked a bit embarrassed.

"Come on you two Newt and I cooked a great meal in celebration." Anathema pulled them along to the kitchen where they sat eating and enjoying being alive and being together. 


	11. Loyalty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Aziraphale is offered a chance to return to Heaven will he take it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's no set Universe for this stories and they're not Canon to each other. So this Gabriel isn't the same as Gabriel in the Gifts chapter.

Aziraphale stood stock still as the Archangels filed into the room. They dragged a bound and gagged Crowley with them and tossed him at Gabriel's feet. Aziraphale held back a whimper as he watched his friend struggle only to be kicked. 

"Aziraphale. I'm disappointed to say the least." 

Gabriel's foot came and rested on Crowley's head. 

"Turning against the Great Plan for what human trivialities?" 

Gabriel sighed.

"I don't blame you of course." He said, Aziraphale was puzzled by this. 

"Y-you don't?" He replied. 

"No if anyone is to blame it's this creature." He gestured to Crowley who sounded like he was cursing through the gag. 

"If we hadn't left you on Earth so long you wouldn't have fallen victim to it's wickedness. If we had been more vigilant than you would have chosen the right side." 

Aziraphale looked up at Gabriel, who just kept talking. 

"We, by which I mean the heavenly host have been talking and we've come to an agreement." 

"And that would be what exactly?" Aziraphale asked. 

Gabriel smiled at this. 

"We all agree that it's odd that you haven't Fallen yet. We expected it by now, but it still hasn't happened. So we believe that this is a test if you will. A trial set out for you. And we think we have the solution." 

Gabriel pulled out a blessed dagger and pulled Crowley into a kneeling position. He held the dagger to Crowley's neck.

"Kill him." Gabriel said laughter in his voice turning the handle of it towards Aziraphale.

"What?!" Aziraphale took a step back. 

"Kill him and you can return to Heaven you can have your job back. We'll even let you stay on earth." Gabriel stared him down. 

"I-I." Aziraphale looked at his friend, his peer, his love.

"I'm sorry but I won't." Aziraphale stood up. 

"Why not?" Gabriel was growing impatient.

"Why should I?" Aziraphale moved towards them.

"Because Heaven is your home! Because you will be Felled for this. Because I ordered you too! Because he's a filthy demon." Gabriel was shouting, letting go of Crowley.

"Earth is my home, I was released from heaven I don't have to follow your orders." He looked into the golden eyes he adored. "And if I am to be Felled for loving a 'filthy demon' as you put it then I should have been Felled long ago." 

Crowley's eyes grew big at the L word. Aziraphale held his gaze. 

"You would give up everything for it." Gabriel pointed the dagger at Crowley and Aziraphale stepped in front of him. 

"Crowley is my everything and I won't give him up for a Heaven who frankly has never cared about me." Aziraphale called upon his sword, funny how he could always call it to him if he wanted to. He pointed it at Gabriel. 

"Now, I don't think I need to remind you that I am stronger than you. So do me a favor and get out of my shop." Aziraphale said a calm fury in his voice. 

Gabriel screamed and tried to throw the dagger at Crowley's chest. Aziraphale parried it easily and impaled the Archangel on his own Holy sword. Gabriel discorperated in an instant. 

The other Archangels backed away as Aziraphale's wings came out and dotted themselves with blue eyes. Aziraphale swung the sword around threatening them as well. 

"You have 30 secs to leave my shop or I will be forced to strike you down as well." His voice magnified by the Grace. 

The cowards fled leaving the scent of Ozone behind. Aziraphale turned to Crowley and began to undo his gag. 

"Oh Crowley, my Crowley. Are you alright? Did they hurt you?" He worried over him. Crowley cringed away from him.

"Angel I'm fine but could you turn off the highbeams please." He said, Aziraphale squeaked when he realized he was still in avenging angel mode. 

"Dreadfully sorry My Dear. There we go." He vanished the ropes and let Crowley stand up. 

Crowley looked at him with a small smile. 

"What? Have I left a few eyes out or something?" Aziraphale checked himself out for any remaining Grace.

"You said you loved me." Crowley drew closer to him as Aziraphale blushed. 

"Well yes I suppose I did." 

Crowley placed a hand on his face. 

"How long Angel?" 

"I, well I-I." Aziraphale paused looking at Crowley. 

"Since Rome." He finally said. 

"Oysters?" Crowley raised an eyebrow. 

"Yes. I don't know if you love me back but I-" Aziraphale's rambling was cut off as Crowley kissed him. They stayed like that for a while neither needed to breathe. Finally they pulled apart.

"Angel I have loved you since Eden." 

"Eden, really?" 

"Well since you gave your sword away to the humans. Been mad about you ever since." 

Crowley smirk turned into a frown. 

"Angel, I don't want you to Fall." Crowley looked like he was going to cry. Aziraphale took his face in his hands. 

"My love, only the Almighty can Fell an angel. If she wanted to Fell me she would have already. Besides I would Fall a million times for you. I love you so much and I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you." He brushed the tears from Crowley's face. 

"Angel, If you Fell I would catch you. Even if I had to fight off the hordes of Hell." 

"I know my dear. I know." 

They kissed again and Crowley laughed. 

"What's so funny, my love?" Aziraphale asked him.

"I have to say Angel that whole avenging angel thing was pretty hot." 

Aziraphale looked a tad confused until Crowley pressed against him and he could feel his Effort. 

"Oh my." 

"Still with me Angel?" Crowley asked. 

Aziraphale smiled and blushed, with a snap of his fingers they were in his bedroom. They fell into each other's arms laughing and touching every inch they could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Having trouble with my MDD and ADHD it's making focusing on my stories hard. Please have patience, my stories will be updated at some point.


	12. Surprise

Crawly was laying in the desert sand. Not minding that she was getting it in her hair, she was too busy staring up at the stars. Billions upon billions of them, blinking like jewels strung across the velvet dark. She was so focused on them she didn't hear the angel approach. 

"Beautiful, isn't it." Aziraphale said watching her instead of the sky. Crawly startled a little and sat up. 

"Aziraphale?" What brings you out here?" 

"I'm coming back from the mountains after providing the sacrificial lamb to Abraham." 

Aziraphale's voice was heavy with a mild distaste which he wouldn't dare speak aloud. 

"Oh yeah, that thing. Don't you think it's messed up to try and make a guy kill his kid?" Crawly growled out. 

"I'm not consulted on policy decisions Crawly, I was told it's all part of the great plan." Aziraphale huffed. 

Crawly grumbled before turning her face upwards. Then she gestured for Aziraphale to sit with her, he did so. 

"The stars are beautiful aren't they?" She pointed up. 

"Yes, they are. I wonder what the humans will name them." 

"I could tell you some of their names." She said her voice low with a whisper of loss. 

"You can't actually tell me you can see the future." Aziraphale replied. 

"No, no I mean their echonian names." 

She then proceeded to point out stars and name them. Describing what particular ones were made of, Aziraphale listened inraptured by it. She spoke with passionate love and endless knowledge her eyes gleamed and danced as she did. 

"How do you know all of this? I thought memories of Heaven were burned away in the Fall." He finally asked at a lull in her speech.

"I helped build them. I might not remember who I was but I remember my stars." She sighed.

They were both lying back now hands inches from each other. Suddenly she let out a gasp and pointed to a particularly bigger star. 

"Angel look! See that star right there." 

Aziraphale nodded. 

"That's the last star I worked on, I called it Polaris. It's a guiding star did you know that?" 

"A guiding star?" He looked at it, it certainly was big and beautiful but there were billions of them up there. 

"It doesn't look like it from here but it always sits right above true north. Eventually humans will figure it out. If you can find that star you'll never be lost." She had such intrigue in her voice. It was contagious. They laid there talking of the wonders that humans will come up with. 

Aziraphale was happy to see her like this. He would hold this in his heart. Eons from now, he would whisper the name of the North Star to a scientist named William Herschel.

* * *

As humans grew so to grew the population. Technology pushed away the darkness of night and with it the stars. Crowley loved humans most of the time, but when it came to the stars he was annoyed with them. Sure technology was crucial to their survival but now he couldn't see his stars anymore. There were less and less places with little enough light pollution. Aziraphale would listen as he grumbled about not seeing them anymore. One night he came up with a brilliant idea. 

"Aziraphale where are you taking us?" 

Crowley sat in the passenger seat of my car Aziraphale had rented. He had finally managed to teach the Angel to drive, but refused to let him drive the Bentley. At the moment Aziraphale was moving rather slowly. 

"You'll see when we get there, and don't try taking the blindfold off or I'll use a miracle to stick it on you permanently." He snipped.

They drove for what must have been over an hour before stopping. Aziraphale led Crowley out of the car and walked him through unlevel terrain. He finally stopped and reached up for Crowley's blindfold. 

"Here we are my dear." He said brightly. 

Crowley looked around. 

"Are we in Tadfield? You could have just told me we were visiting the Them." 

Aziraphale sighed. 

"Yes we're in Tadfield, but I implore you to look up." 

"Look up?" Crowley did and he gasped.

There strung across the night sky were the stars he missed so much. He stared at them. 

"I asked Adam to help keep the light pollution away from here tonight." Aziraphale said happily. 

_ 'I'm going to get that kid a motorcycle for his next *birthday."  _ Crowley thought to himself. 

"Dearest." 

"Yeah, Angel?" 

Crowley heard the ruffling of wings. Aziraphale had pulled out his and held out his hand. 

"Fly with me." 

Crowley grabbed his Angel's hand and pulled his own wings out. They launched into the sky and flew higher and higher. Until they broke free of the stratosphere, as they did more stars blinked at them. They stopped just short of breaking earth's orbit and Aziraphale pointed towards the pole. There in all its glory was Crowley's, North Star. 

"Surprise, my dearest." 

Crowley the demon, who was never that great and being a demon. Who would deny it to the end of the sun has cried only three times in his existence. 

Once when he watched the final plague descend upon Egypt. Another time when he watched his friend Leonardo die, and lastly when he thought he lost his best friend and Angel. But the tears were pouring from his eyes as he took in the sight of the stars. Second to only one other thing they were the most beautiful things in the universe. 

"Thank you Angel." 

Aziraphale just smiled at him and pointed as they watched the sun begin to rise upon the North Pole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Adam is only 12. Aziraphale might have turned it into a minibike.


	13. Admirer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't waste your chance to tell someone how you feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still having issues with my MDD. I'm getting better it's just hard right now.

Gabriel watched Them from afar. He didn't know what to say, but ever since They came into being he was enamored. Ba'al as They were called then was one of the smaller angels. Even Aziraphale towered over them, he would watch Them fight. 

Lord Almighty, could they fight. He would often find reasons to sneak off to the training grounds. Raphael would almost always tag along so he could get a peak at the angel of his eye. 

"This is stupid brother" Raphael said one time. 

"What is?" Gabriel and him were observing in the stands held just for the Archangels. Watching Aziraphale and Ba'al spar with each other, both were rather evenly matched.

"Why don't we go up and talk to them? Instead we're just creeping around here like a couple of whatever's. (peeping toms were not a thing yet. Gabriel and Raphael had every right to be there.) Do you really want to spend the rest of your existence not talking to them?" 

"No, but." Gabriel started.

"No buts, Brother it won't be that long before Mother starts the Earth and whatever time is. We might not get another chance. We should take this opportunity to talk to them now." 

Raphael watched Aziraphale and Ba'al walking side by side with each other chatting. 

Both cherubs looked their way and waved, Gabriel turned red and Raphael meekly waved back, This caused both cherubs to laugh.

"Right, I'm going for it. Wish me luck." Raphael said and took off before he could chicken out. 

Gabriel watched him bound up to the cherubs and started speaking with them. Raphael looking red, pointed up towards the stars and held his hand out to Aziraphale. Aziraphale blushed at this and paused before Ba'al pushed him forward. 

Raphael and Aziraphale took off towards the galaxies. Both looking nervous but beaming like idiots in love. Gabriel wished he had that kind of courage, he saw Ba'al who looked to be waiting for him. He almost went towards Them but chickened out and took off. He was gone before he could witness Helel(Lucifer) walk up to talk to the disappointed soldier.

.

.

.

.

.

War broke out and it was angel against angel. Nobody noticed the red-headed woman stalking through the chaos, indeed it was as if no one could see her. Wherever she went the fighting intensified, she was laughing the entire time. 

Gabriel fought, ichor spilled across the clouds. He was growing furious and more desperate with each swing of his blade. As he knocked out a gangly white haired angel he turned and saw Them. Ba'al they were fighting alongside Lucifer vicious and spurred by adrenaline. They locked eyes long enough for them to be knocked out.

.

.

.

.

Heaven won, but they all lost Angels had perished a new one had been born. Azrael. The rebels were rounded up and sentenced, Gabriel heart was hardened as his eldest brother was Felled. Snarling and raging Lucifer screamed curses as he was the first to Fall. Gabriel's heart felt as though it would break when he watched Ba'al Fall as well. It shattered as he saw a painfully familiar redhead dragged forward by Micheal. He heard Aziraphale scream, only to be held back by his fellow soldiers. Raphael looked at them with pleading eyes, Micheal held him out over the edge. Gabriel watched as Raphael blew a kiss to Aziraphale and took the final step downwards. 

They had to erase the memories of the angels who lost someone. The grief was destroying them, they were never meant to die and thus never understood it. Aziraphale was distraught and no longer the hardened warrior he had once been. Even Michael and Uriel requested their memories modified, Gabriel however didn't. He wanted to remember his brother Raphael, wanted to remember the cherub who had enamored him so. This turned into bitterness and vitriol he looked forward to the next war. He looked forward to avenging his little brother and his lost chance. 

Gabriel's bitterness almost destroyed the entire world and would've destroyed him. Because when he saw Them on that airfield Still looking like the cherub he admired. He realized that he was lost, and to add to it he could've sworn he recognized the demon Crowley. It wasn't until Michael had described the color of the demon's eyes that he realized who it was. 

He thought about it for a long while. He pondered it in his head, turning it over and over again. He realized that if Aziraphale and Raphael could find and love each other again. Surely he could do the same,couldn't he? He picked up the phone and asking Raphael to wish him *luck, dialed the number Micheal gave him. After a few rings that sounded like screaming, A buzzing voice picked up.

"Hell-ozz who iz thiz?" The voice asked.

"Hello, Ba'al. Can I ask you something?" Gabriel replied. 

.

.

.

.

.

*Crowley mumbled 'good luck' in his sleep. Aziraphale heard it but thought he was saying "good duck." And thought he was talking about the ducklings at St. James. He kissed the sleeping demon and made a note to bring more oats and cut grapes for Crowley to give them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MDD, Major Depressive Disorder. Basically my depression has hit me hard and left me with little desire and motivation to work on my heavy projects.


	14. Blind Date????

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's day, except for couples go away. If I can't be happy nobody should!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I steal this scenario from FRIENDS? yes, yes I did what are you going to do about it?  
> Humam AU, Crowley and Beelzebub are cousins, Aziraphale and Gabriel are 'friends' kinda.

Bee(call me Beatrice and you die) Bubbla sat at the table next to her cousin. Crowley (just Crowley) had dragged her here because he needed a second for his date. His date was supposed to be bringing a friend along for her. Right now she was nervous, it had been a couple of months since she broke up with Lue Sifer. She might have been content to just wallow in her misery when Crowley called her up. 

.

.

.

.

"Please Bee! I need a sssecond, this guy is really nice but he's nervous and I really like him. I'll pay for everything I promisse just come with me!"

Crowley begged. 

Crowley had called her at 11:45 in the evening. A time when most people were asleep! Apparently Crowley's mystery man was an insomniac. 

"Why? He'z not 12 or something iz he?, why doez he need an ezcort?" Bee grumbled into the phone. 

"Ssatan I hope not. Look we haven't met yet, we've just been chatting on the app. We both agree that it would be smart to have ssomeone else with uss. If you ssay yess I'll let you order the biggest steak you want." Crowley's voice thick with temptation. 

This wasn't fair, he knew her too well. He was too good at tempting people. 

"Finez, I'll do it. But I want a dezert to." 

"Thankss sso much Bee!" Crowley hissed happily. 

"Don't thankz me, especially after the lazt time you zet me up." She grimiced thinking about Mister Holier than thou fitness guru Gabriel Grace. 

"You won't regret it I promissssse." Crowley was so happy he was extra hissy. 

"Goodnight." Bee hung up the phone and went back to sleep. 

.

.

.

.

Bee and Crowley with their dark clothes and Crowley's sunglasses, Looked just a little out of place in the restaurant that had decorated for Valentine's day. Pink, red and white everywhere, enough flowers to make anyone's eyes itch. Crowley was bouncing his leg up and down impatiently waiting. Bee was ready to glue it to the floor when he suddenly shot up. A man with pale blonde hair, in a light cream colored suit checked in escorted to their table. Crowley blushed as he approached and nervously stuck out his hand. 

"Hello Aziraphale, it'sssss good to finally meet you. Thissss isss Bee." Crowley hissed absentmindedly gesturing to her.

"Hello dears. Pleasure to meet you, my friend is just parking the car. If you will excuse me I need to pop over to the men's room. Could you please order a glass of red for me and a glass of white for Gabriel." Aziraphale bustled off before they could properly respond. 

Bee's eyes went wide. 

"Gabrielz?" She buzzed 

"Naw, it couldn't be." Crowley tried to shrug it off. As he did they heard a familiar cadence.

"Well if it isn't little miss sunshine." 

They turned around and there was Gabriel at the maitre d stand. 

Bee let out a stuttering laugh.

"Gabrielz" She buzzed through her teeth glaring at Crowley. 

He gave her a sympathetic look before breaking out those puppy eyes. She would make sure to add another desert on to her tab. They all sat down and immediately Crowley and Aziraphale forgot about the other two. They chatted away making bedroom eyes at each other. When the food came Aziraphale sounded practically pornographic as he ate. This only seemed to stir up Crowley. Gabriel excused himself to the restroom. 

"You know." Crowley began voice slipping into that rich temptation that had felled many a person. He was moving his leg. "Ever since I was a kid I've been able to pick up whole rolls of quarters with my toes." 

Aziraphale blushed beat red and they decided to excuse themselves taking their deserts to go.

Aziraphale got up first and Crowley handed over his credit card, telling Bee to settle the tab for him. She watched as they followed each other outside Aziraphale zoning in on her cousins rear. 

"Where'd they go?" Gabriel had returned from the bathroom to a perturbed Bee. 

"Wherez do you think? Those two werez about ready to go at it in the reztaurant." She replied. 

Gabriel sighed and sat back down. 

"Some friends we have, don't we." He said sipping at his wine.

"Cousin." Bee corrected glancing at the shiny black credit card in her hand. She smiled wickedly. 

"A very stupid cousin, who left us his credit card." She flashed it in temptation at Gabriel. He smiled and asked a passing waiter to bring them a bottle (no two bottles) of their most expensive wine. They laughed and drank the night away even toasting to Crowley's "generosity." They stumbled out of the restaurant hailing a cab back to Bee's place. Still drinking the night passed in a haze.

.

.

.

.

.

Bee woke up with a pounding headache, she rolled over in her bed to the shock of seeing Gabriel's snoring face next to hers. Buzzing away she pulled herself out of bed, she was going to kill Crowley. Then she spotted the bill, laughing she thought to herself.  _ 'If the bank doesn't kill him first.'  _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Want to really fuck with your perception of the show FRIENDS? Quickly name five characters played by POC(People of Color) that stuck around for more than one episode.


	15. Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So by now you've realized that these are loosely tied to the prompt. I refuse to apologize. Also kids with crushes are adorable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early release today. Working on the next chapter of Birds and Bees.

"Uncle Crowley how did you tell Uncle Aziraphale you liked him?" Adam asked while following Crowley helping him glue coins to the ground. 

Crowley startled at this and stood up turning red. 

"Umm, I, umm." Crowley stumbled for words.

"You have told him haven't you?" Adam scowled at him. 

He had looked inside their heads at the airbase and that's how he knew he could trust them. Sure Aziraphale had been willing to kill him, but after seeing how much he loved earth and more particularly a certain demon on Earth. Adam had come to the conclusion that if it came down to it one life wasn't worth everything else. 

The point is that both of them were madly in love with the other and would do anything to stay together. 

Adam sighed as the demon babbled on some more before finally answering his question. 

"Umm so no I haven't. Yet. Why are you asking is there someone you like?" Crowley looked at the boy who shuffled his feet. 

"Well yeah but I don't know if they like me that way. How do I get their attention?" Adam looked at him with those puppy dog eyes. 

Crowley could never refuse the people who made those eyes and they all knew it. Keep in mind that as the son of his Master, Adam could force Crowley to do anything he wanted. Something Crowley would have to teach him to control, using it for good. 

"Who is it?" Crowley asked. 

Adam started to say something but stopped. He just shrugged his shoulders. Crowley grumbled into his hand. 

"Well why don't you give them a flower?" He provided. 

"They don't like flowers." Adam moped. 

"Ok how about chocolates? Everyone likes chocolates." Crowley himself likes chocolates. 

"Chocolates are over done." Adam replied. 

Crowley sighed. "Ok, you can't go wrong with a personalized card. Everyone likes a card." 

"They said that paper companies push for all these ridiculous holidays to make a profit. All the while they're cutting down trees faster than they can grow them." Adam provided. 

Crowley was ready to scream, and a small part of him was beginning to understand why Mother got annoyed at him. 

"Ok then just flat out tell them. Ask them to go get ice cream with you or something. I don't know what else to tell you kid." Crowley was fastly losing his patience. 

"I guess so, but I don't get it." Adam responded. 

"What don't you get little master?" 

"Why can't you tell Aziraphale the same thing? You like him don't you? I mean you bring him flowers and chocolates and cheesy little cards. Why can't you just be honest with him? Adam stared at him in the eyes. 

"Well, I sorta, kinda. It's complicated kid, I'm not even sure I like him that way." 

Guess who wasn't fooled by this. Literally everyone in the whole damn universe, at this moment right now even God is screaming at these two. Mumbling to herself and asking why she made them so clever and yet so stupid. 

"I'll make you a deal." Adam at this moment sounded ever so much like a tempter demon that Crowley was impressed.

"I'll tell the person I like that I like them, if you tell Aziraphale that you like him." Adam offered his voice already brimming with temptation. 

Crowley sighed and nodded. 

"We have to shake on it, we'll both tell them what they mean to us. And report back on it." 

Crowley grumbled but shook on it anyways. They went back to glueing stuff to the pavement. 

.

.

.

.

Later that afternoon Crowley and Adam made their way back to the shop where Anathema and Pepper were pouring over books. Aziraphale looked up and brightened when he saw Crowley, before shyly looking away. Crowley blushed and went over to the angel. 

He hesitated. 

"Umm, Angel could I talk to you for a minute." Crowley stammered out. 

"Of course my dear." Aziraphale focused on him.

The shop bell rang and Anathema and Newt were back along with Brian and Wensleydale. Bearing boxes of food and ice cream. 

"In private?" Crowley was nervously rubbing his hands through his hair. 

They left to the back room with Aziraphale giving a stern warning for Brian to be careful what he touches. The Them, Anathema and Newt all watched as they retreated. Pepper looked at Adam. 

"So did you do the thing?" She asked. 

"Yup, got Mr.Crowley to agree to tell Mr.Aziraphale how he feels, did you?" He asked her back. 

"Of course. Mr.Aziraphale thinks that he's been giving me advice on how to ask out a person I like. Made a deal where if I ask them out he has to tell Mr.Crowley how he feels." She responded. 

If they were quiet they swore they could hear the two talking softly to each other. 

Anathema smiled and looked at Newt. 

"Well if this fails we'll just have to go with plan B." She said as Newt blushed. 

"What's plan B?" Adam asked. 

"Double date." She bumped Newt who nodded. 

The backroom door opened and Aziraphale and Crowley came out looking mighty pleased with themselves and maybe just a hint of kiss drunk. 

The party was taking upstairs to the flat where the two kept stealing glances at each other. It was to the point that everyone else was about to scream at them to get a room. When Crowley remembered what Adam had promised him. 

Crowley sauntered up to Adam. 

"Alright little devil, I kept my end of the deal you keep yourssss." He hissed at him. 

  
  


Adam beamed at this. 

"Hey Pepper?" 

"Yeah Adam?" 

"Want to go get some ice cream with me?" 

Pepper nodded and they both stood up and went to the counter to get a couple bowls of ice cream. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting your hair cut and dyed seems to be a good treatment for MDD. I got myself a non-binary haircut so I could feel more true to myself. I'm even working to change my name.


	16. Heart

_ *Ba-bump* _ This is new Aziraphale thinks to himself. He feels his chest and the living thing inside it, a heart that's what Raphael said when he gave him his corporation. It's what keeps his corporation alive, it's weird and fluttery at first but he suspects he'll get used to it. He paces the garden, delighting in its beauty. He's already tried much of the food here, what a curious and glorious thing. Food, taste way better than the bland food of heaven. He watches as Adam and Eve name the animals. Adam is more interested in completing the job while Eve is inraputured by them. She studied each one delighting in the different textures. Aziraphale smiled as he heard her giggling, he looked and saw an animal that would one day be called a mouse nuzzling her ear. Adam and Eve spent time together in the beginning and certainly cared for each other. But it was a naive, innocent love. It held no passion, no fire, it was as if they didn't know how to love. 

Aziraphale didn't think much about it until after they ate the apple. It was after this that love gained it's fire, it's heat. He watched them leave and although part of his heart was breaking he was envious. Oh too have that, a love that makes your heart beat so fiercely. It wasn't until the demon joined him on the wall, that he felt his heart burn with desire. The man shaped being had hair of flames, his eyes were golden pools of curiosity. His voice made Aziraphale's heart do somersaults. He theorized that he would've spent years on the wall just talking to the demon Crawly. 

.

.

.

Aziraphale wonders how true heavens depiction of demons really is. He's seen a couple of them and the things they've done. He shudders at the memory of Sodom and Gomorrah, what those townspeople wanted to do to him, but it had been Crowley who found him and brought him to the house he'd been looking for. He was even more disgusted when the supposedly righteous Lot wanted to give up his daughters. He had to blind the crowd before Crawly killed the man. Crawly took off and the last Aziraphale saw of him he was carrying Lot's wife to the other side of the city. He felt his heart beat faster as he watched the demon dodge heavenly fire, a small part of it desperately praying that they made it. He had to turn away before he got a chance to see. 

.

.

Now Aziraphale stands at the front of a crowd, watching as the animals file into the Ark. He senses a familiar presence and his heart starts beating faster. 

"Hello Aziraphale." 

Crawly is there and his heart is tumbling over itself with the demon's attention. He tamps it down and goes about his duties.

Aziraphale is glad he can't get seasick as the Ark rocks back and forth. Forty day and Forty nights he has to look forward to this. And who knows how long it will take after for the waters to recede. It's on day seven that he notices it. God(or in reality Gabriel after some carefully worded comments about predatory vs. prey) allowed for all the animals to be put into a sleep, To be awoken after the storm stops. 

It is because of this that when food starts to go missing Aziraphale goes looking for why. He finds it when he feels a surge of magic at the end of the boat. What he finds there makes his heart beat so fast it nearly discorperates. Crawly is there in a pen surrounded by children, the blasted demon went and found at least a dozen children and brought them to the ark. 

He can't help but wonder why it is that the demon shows more mercy and kindness than Heaven. He never voices these thoughts out loud of course. He just takes in the image of the supposedly evil demon tucking the kids in and singing them lullabies. The demon's hypnotic voice etches itself into his heart. 

.

.

Aziraphale spends millenia trying to ignore or stamp down how Crowley makes his heart feel. He's terrified, not for himself but for what will happen to his dearest friend. When they get into their fight about the Holy Water Aziraphale feels his heart breaking.

_ "Go back."  _ It says.  _ "Go back and tell him, tell him how he means too much to you. Go back and tell him that you love him."  _ Aziraphale doesn't go back in fact he goes to bed for the first time in his existence. He sleeps and by the time he wakes up the world is on the brink of war. He spends the next few decades not hearing a single word from his friend. He wonders if Crowley had gotten his hands on some Holy Water anyways. The Great War keeps him distracted and keeps his heart from breaking. 

.

.

The world is at war again, it always is. She leaves no land untouched as she travels across the globe. This war takes its toll more than the first one did. Aziraphale isn't permitted to do anything about it. So he sneaks away desperate to do some good. It's when he has a gun to his head that he feels a familiar whoop of his heart. He hears his friend hopping down the aisle, Crowley the foolish demon has come to his aide. When the smoke clears and the demon hands him his precious books his heart beats a almost audible tattoo. 

_ "Stay with me, don't ever leave me again. Stay damn you, stay."  _ But again Aziraphale stamps it out. 

.

.

.

The decades come and go and suddenly they're at the end. Aziraphale is standing next to Crowley as Adam confronts Satan. Crowley grabs his hand and they are ready to fight a being they don't stand a chance against. 

Then it's over, it's done the world will not end today and they've cut their ties with their sides. 

As they sit on the bus Crowley holds his hand again. Aziraphale's heart is at its breaking point, instead of stamping it out this time he tells it to wait. Then they're in Crowley's apartment, Crowley is pouring them some wine. They're toasting to their success, to the humans that saved the day. To each other. It's at this moment that everything comes tumbling down. 

Aziraphale begins to cry and there is Crowley. His Crowley, wiping away his tears and begging to know why he's crying. Aziraphale just hugs him and Crowley melts into it. Aziraphale's heart beats so rapidly as he's spilling everything out. His true feelings the regret he has of how he's treated Crowley. This all comes bubbling out until Crowley is kissing him. They're wrapped up in each other and they start to peel off each other's layers. As Crowley lays in his arms he listens to the beating of the demons heart. He's shocked but not entirely surprised that it matches his heart beat for beat. Their hearts beat out a duet, together at last. The melody to his harmony. Their plan is set for tomorrow if this is to be their last night, so be it. Aziraphale for the second time in his existence falls asleep, but this time it's to the song of his heart finally complete.


	17. Passion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to keep these vague so I don't have to bump the rating.

Their first kiss is chaste, a friendly greeting in accordance with the practices of the times. There is a burning want underneath it, a tinderbox waiting for the strike of the match.

Before the night is over both have gone on their way. They never speak of it again, from that point on until after arma-done-diddly-don't it's nothing but longing glances and the very rare drunken touch. Both of them can feel it burn inside them, both of them have in fear broken the other's heart. Both of them have broken their own hearts time and time again. Friends, they can be friends. Unlikely but ineffable all the same. It isn't until they board a bus bound for Oxford but confusingly changing to London that it happens. The match has been struck, it burns inside them. They can feel the heat from the other, their hands hanging on to each other for fear that the other will burn out.

As they walk into Crowley's flat the match lights the tinder, there's no putting it out. They look at each other, fire burning in their eyes.

Suddenly they're on each other, kissing and touching each other. Crowley moans as Aziraphale nips at his neck, Aziraphale smiles and with a click of his fingers they're in Crowley's bedroom. Aziraphale pushes Crowley onto the bed, he puts his hands on Crowley. Waiting, silently asking for permission. Crowley nods and Aziraphale's hands slip lower, he pants as Aziraphale removes his shirt. 

Crowley always perpetually cold shudders at the burning warmth of Aziraphale's skin. They kiss again as Aziraphale strips more clothes from him. Crowley whines when he withdraws only to blush bashfully as Aziraphale starts to remove his own clothes. 

Aziraphale pauses though and looks down at Crowley with a pained look on his face. 

"Angel? What's wrong? What is it?" Crowley sits up.

"You're so beautiful and I'm so plain. I'm soft and weak, I'm such a horrible Angel." Aziraphale tries to look away. 

"Aziraphale, Angel look at me please." Crowley cups his chin. 

"You're perfection. You are so beautiful, so smart, so strong. You're a better Angel than all those wankers up stairs. I have been waiting for 6,000 years to get you into bed. I won't hear another one of Heaven's lies about you. My Angel, let me show you how much I love you." Crowley kisses him, Aziraphale tries to speak but is silenced with a kiss. Suddenly he feels something pushing against him. He feels a gentle tap at his mind, asking to be let in. 

Aziraphale allows it, he's swamped by the burning lust and love from Crowley. He'd always been able to feel Crowley's love, it was what made him hold the demon at arms length. But his lust, his beautiful burning lust.

Aziraphale's legs buckle under him. And Crowley supports them, they're back on his bed. 

Aziraphale fights with his shirt until he just miracles it away. Crowley eye's him with hunger, he grabs Aziraphale and lifts himself onto him. 

Their bodies sing together, fitting just right as if they were meant for each other this entire time. 

Crowley moans as Aziraphale takes him, he sees stars and for the first time in millennia he feels divine ecstasy. They come together and hold each other in their arms. Aziraphale kisses him and suddenly they're both thinking of how far they would go to protect the other from what is to come. 

_ "I would gladly take his place, I would face all of Heaven/Hell for this creature in my arms." _

Aziraphale pulls Crowley into another heated kiss. He stares into those pools of molten gold, suddenly as they're kiss they feel a change. It's like static electricity that flows throughout their corporations. Aziraphale opens his eyes to see endless blue ones staring back at him. Aziraphale and Crowley jump back in shock, Aziraphale looks down and finds that he's in Crowley's body. 

"Angel?" It's so weird hearing his own voice like that. 

"Crowley?" Crowley looks up at himself, is his voice really that deep? 

"I think I have an idea of how to survive tomorrow." Azirawley says. 

"I think I know where you're going with this." Crowlphale replies, if this all works out they'll be free, free to kiss and touch each other all they want. 


	18. Chocolates.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a scene that was cut from the show.   
> https://youtu.be/zHBr5MET3ig
> 
> Someone pointed out that box of chocolates weren't a thing in 1800 London, so it was theorized that Crowley must have come up with the idea. All for his Angel. So I put that into a story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone actually read any of these?

Crowley really, really had to stretch the truth to convince Hell that this was a good idea. Of course throwing in a box for Beelzebub Prince of Gluttony helped. 

He had whispered the idea to the sweet maker, an idea that would catch like wildfire. It would lead to overconsumption and more gluttony, to the sinfully devious Capitalism and phony holidays designed just to sell stuff. It took some time but Hell eventually sent him an accommodation for it. As he walked to Aziraphale's shop he held the box of chocolates in his hand. He couldn't wait to see his Angel's, wait no. He couldn't wait to see The Angel's face light up like the sun at dawn. To see those eyes sparkle in hedonistic delight.

As he walks up to the corner he spots the shop, it is in all essence Aziraphale. He gets closer when he can feel that intoxicating aura that is the angel. His steps falter though, the shop door is wide open. There's a feeling of misery and disappointment in the air.

_ "Bloody Hell, is the angel being robbed already? If he is, why isn't he fighting back?"  _

Crowley's thoughts spin into an end when he gets close enough to look through the open door. There is the angel, and there are two more angels with him. He waves the box of chocolates above his head and catches the small look of terror before it's replaced with a false look of devotion. 

Crowley uses a demonic miracle to enhance his hearing. 

_ "No!"  _ They were going to steal his ang- the angel. Crowley knew he wouldn't be happy in heaven so he paced around until he got an idea! He got a wonderful, mischievous, awful idea. 

He followed Gabriel to a tailor shop and grabbing mannequin and a coat he set his idea into motion. Using a miracle to ensure that the ponce heard him but didn't see him properly, he began his conversation.

"I have a wonderfully devious plan. A plan that will bring London to its knees. My greatest plan ever, why if I succeed in this I imagine I'll become a duke in no time." 

He drawled in his own voice. Then he switched his voice.

"But sir aren't you afraid of any angels interfering with your plan?" A "Imp" replied. 

"Nonsense, I can handle a few angels. Besides the only angel that stands a chance against me is Aziraphale and from what I heard they're recalling him. Within a fortnight the city will be mine for the taking. Nothing can stop me! Not nobody, not no how." Crowley added extra relish pausing for affect. 

"You're a mad genius Sir." The imp replied.

"I know. Come now there are things to do and people to tempt." He walked off. 

Staying a good hundred feet away from the Archangel as he returned to Aziraphale's shop. 

He watched as Gabriel was chatting animatedly with a confused Aziraphale. Clapping him on the shoulder before he left, Crowley waited for five minutes before sauntering into the shop. 

"Hey there Aziraphale. Nice shop." Crowley said grinning as Aziraphale lit up at the sight of him. 

"Was that Archangel Gabriel just now?" Crowley asked, raising his eyebrow. 

"Yes, we had the strangest conversation. One minute they are down here telling me that I'm to return to heaven. Then he comes back telling me I need to stay. Can't imagine why." Aziraphale shoots a knowing glance at Crowley who just shrugs. 

"Oh here got these for you. House er, shop warming present." Crowley holds out the box of chocolates. 

Aziraphale takes it and opening it he inhales the rich sweet scent. He pops one into his mouth and moans at the delicious taste. 

"Crowley these are divine." He says looking up at the blushing demon. 

"Eh-uh not divine Angel, dastardly and wicked." 

Crowley proceeds to tell him about how his invention will undoubtedly lead to sin. Aziraphale just nods along as they head to the back room for some wine and a nice long chat of what they've been up to.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and Comments are enjoyed, constructive criticism is welcome.(although these are just little snippets not ment to be viewed seriously. Still though.


	19. Soft touches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale discovers Crowley's most embrassing secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I fell behind, still getting back into the swing of things after my depression episode.

Crowley has a secret that even Aziraphale doesn't know, at least he's sure Aziraphale doesn't know. He has a secret room in his house, hidden from all eyes except his. It's a room filled with things that he wouldn't normally let anyone else see. Most of the time he throws up an illusion to hide the door. Today he forgot to. 

In the chaos of the last day of the world he had gone to his secret room to sulk. He wrapped himself in the items held there. He only came out when his alarms went off that there were other demons skulking about. In his rush to prepare the Holy Water and then his rush to get to Aziraphale he forgot about the door. He didn't even remember it when he and Aziraphale came back to his apartment. He was worn out and didn't pay much attention to Aziraphale puttering around. He watched as the angel went into his plant room and praised his plants. Grumbling to himself about it. It wasn't until he was bringing Aziraphale a glass of wine when he heard the angel's voice. 

"Oh, oh my." 

Crowley froze in place as he looked up at where Aziraphale was standing. He mentally blessed as Aziraphale took in what he was seeing. It was a room covered in plush toys, pillows and soft cozy blankets. Aziraphale just stared at it all before Crowley cleared his throat. 

"Oh! I'm sorry my dear, I should have minded my own business. I wasn't thinking." Aziraphale stammered to correct this as Crowley's face turned red. 

The angel hurried out of the room and allowed Crowley some space. He sat in the living room with his glass of wine, a few minutes later Crowley came in looking sheepish at him. 

Crowley said nothing but drank his wine. 

"Crowley?" Aziraphale said softly. 

Crowley just nodded. 

Aziraphale chewed his lip, he didn't want Crowley to think he was judging him. But he also knew Crowley well enough to know that Crowley would deflect as he always did. He decided what Crowley needed right now was a change of topics. 

"I was thinking about the prophecy, the one about choosing our faces wisely. I think I might have an idea." 

Crowley sat up and gave him his full attention, Aziraphale began to explain his idea of swapping bodies, and after a couple of tests they had done it now to just get each other's mannerisms down right. 

It was in Hell that Aziraphale began to piece together what he saw in Crowley's room. 

Aziraphale in Crowley's body felt like his skin was literally crawling off him. There was nothing gentle or kind or comfortable about Hell(not that he expected it.) Anytime he was touched by another demon it was rough and cruel. He wondered if that was why Crowley secretly loved soft things. Because as much as he loathed the demons touching him he could feel the body and skin begging to be touched. He knew what it was like to be touched starved, largely ignored and ridiculed by heaven there were no gentle touches, no hugs or anything. He craved it, and now he realizes that Crowley might crave it as well. 

After the Ritz they went back to the bookshop where Aziraphale got to take in all Adam had put back. It was amazing not a single thing missed, although his children's books expanded. He was puttering about when he saw Crowley standing in the middle of the store looking around. He seemed tense and nervous, his eyes darting around like crazy. Slowly and with as much care as he could he came up to Crowley and gently brushed his arm. 

Crowley spun around and looked at him with tears in his eyes. All of a sudden he was enveloped by his friend in a tight hug. He hugged back making sure to be as gentle as possible. 

"I lost you, you were gone and I didn't know if you would come back." Crowley cried burying his face into Aziraphale's hair. 

Aziraphale carded his fingers through Crowley's red hair. Delighting at it being as soft as he thought it was. 

"I know, and I'm so sorry my dear." 

He pulled Crowley away and gently brushed his face. Aziraphale needed to speak this now. 

"I'm sorry I made you wait for all these years." 

Crowley's face pulled in confusion, Aziraphale continued.

"I need you to know that it wasn't you, well it was but not in the way you think." 

Aziraphale babbled. 

"Angel what are you on about?" Crowley asked there was a small spark of hope in his eyes. 

"Crowley, I love you." Crowley gasped and tried to step back but Aziraphale caught his hand. 

"I only, foolishly kept you away because I was terrified of what would happen to you. I couldn't bear the idea of losing you. I know I never made it easy, it drove me crazy sometimes. Because Crowley I've wanted to touch you for eons. To hold you, to kiss you. I want to lavish you with all the gentle soft things you crave, I saw that room. And I know I shouldn't have gone snooping like that but you don't have to be ashamed about it wit-." Aziraphale kept on until Crowley silenced him with a kiss. 

"Angel I love you too. I guess you're right though. I do like soft things, but I like them because they remind me of you." Crowley said brushing his hand across Aziraphale's. 

"I know, I'm soft. Not much of a warrior" Aziraphale stated looking down. 

"And that's a bad thing?" Crowley kissed him again. 

"Angel if you weren't soft you would have blasted me off the wall the very moment I slithered up there. You wouldn't have given the humans your sword and then where would we be? Aziraphale if I'm not allowed to be ashamed of liking soft things then you're not allowed to be ashamed of being soft. Because guess what?" 

"What?" 

"I love my soft bit of a bastard angel. And I'm not ashamed of him. Now you said that I shouldn't be ashamed of liking soft things? Are you going to shame me for liking you?" Crowley stared him in the eyes. 

Aziraphale blushed. 

"No, I guess not." They kissed again gently running their hands over each other. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	20. Flirting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ineffable Bureaucracy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone else find it hard to write convincing flirting? Anyways I choose Bee and Gabriel for this one because the Ineffable Husbands already flirt with each other in practically every interaction with each other. It's nothing new.

"Albatrozz" 

"Little Gnat." 

"Wank wingz." 

"Tiny pest." 

"Pompouz git." 

"Twitchy fly." 

"Ztupid Cupid." 

"Honey Bee, ow!" 

Bee had smacked Gabriel in the middle of sex for that one. He just grinned and kissed Them. Nipping at Their neck. He loved the way they flirted with each other, it always starts out with insults but eventually makes its way too more endearing terms. Although he loves to rile them up during it, it makes it more enjoyable if they get a little rough. 

Afterwards they're laying in his arms fast asleep, he places a kiss to their hair and gently whispers in their ear. 

"Honey Bee." He laughs at the buzzing growl he gets in response. 

  
  



	21. Hand Holding.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally caught up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Already have tomorrow's planned. The 29th will be a special request fic. So if anyone is reading these I hope you'll come back then.

After the air base they sit on a bench waiting for a bus to take them home. Well Crowley's home, Aziraphale wants to feel sad about the bookshop burning. And he's sure he will if they live to see another day. But that's the thing isn't it, they don't know how long they'll have. Their former sides are definitely not going to let them get away with this. As they board the bus he almost sits behind Crowley like he normally does. They've always kept each other at a safe distance, though Crowley was way worse at it then he was, he was practically drowning in the love that poured from his demon. 

He looks at the row behind him and looks at Crowley. Heaven with it, if this is going to be their last night together then he's not going to pretend anymore. He sits next to Crowley and gently grabs his hand, Crowley cocks an eyebrow at him but doesn't let go. Instead choosing to squeeze tighter, his face was almost readable. 

_ "If all we have is tonight, then I want to make it a good night."  _ Aziraphale imagines it saying. 

That night was one of, spilt wine and tears. Of confessions that had been waiting to be heard and touches waiting to be given. 

After their trials they're at the Ritz, eating and drinking with each other. When Aziraphale let's his hand fall on Crowley's, neither of them move. 

They can do this now, they don't have to hide anymore. They continue to hold hands as they pay the check and leave. When they get into the Bentley and when they get back to the shop. 

As the days and months go by they can almost always be found holding hands. They're not too big on PDA preferring to keep things rather vanilla in public, it's hard after all to break 6,000 years of habit. But this, this they can indulge themselves with. Holding each other's hand with a gentle promise of never letting go. Even when they're not holding hands, they'll always have each other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and Comments are enjoyed and Constructive criticism is welcome.


	22. Slow dancing

"Why are we doing this again?" Crowley asked as they set their bags down. They were at a dance school here to learn how to waltz. Crowley wasn't sure how well this would go but he'd do anything to make his Angel happy. 

"Because, Anathema said that there would be ballroom dancing at the wedding and we need the lessons. All though why they can't do the Gavotte I don't know." He sighed dramatically. 

"Angel the Gavotte hasn't been popular for centuries and it's a dance for more than two people. And mostly reserved for gay men." Crowley said, taking off his jacket he was wearing a black tank top with slim fitted sweatpants. The flyer had recommended that they wear workout clothes. 

"Gay men? I think we count even if we're really man-shaped beings." Aziraphale paused when Crowley cocked an eyebrow. "Well one of us is most of the time." Crowley smiled and kissed him. 

Crowley had to admit Aziraphale looked amazing in the white tank top he was wearing, and where he managed to find khaki colored sweatpants with a tartan lining he'll never know. 

Their kiss was interrupted by the appearance of a middle aged couple. Their teachers, a blonde woman and an black woman who, Aziraphale noted that they looked a bit like Michael and Uriel, if either of those two ever smiled.

"Attention everyone, attention please. We'd like to welcome you to ballroom dancing for beginners. I'm Katherine." The blonde announced. Then yielded to her partner. 

"I am Zianna. And we will be your teachers, let's begin with the history of the waltz and a demonstration." The black woman said smiling at Katherine. 

Crowley grumbled under his breath but Aziraphale was looking so happy he kept it to himself. 

Zianna and Kate were excellent teachers and when they danced it was beautiful. Loathe as he was to admit it, Crowley found himself watching their every move trying to take in everything. After the two danced they turned back to the class. 

"Now we're going to begin we'll start out by having each couple dance around the room. So we can see what needs to be worked on." Kate said. 

"Traditionally the male will lead the dance." Zianna looked at Crowley and and Aziraphale before smiling at them. "However that tradition is rather archaic and blaise. So we recommend that the taller of the couple be the one to lead." 

Crowley was nervous as he and Aziraphale waited their turn. Neither of them could be called accomplished dancers, as their turn approached he swallowed and took Aziraphale's hand. They bowed to each other and began. 

It was horrible, they kept stepping on each other's toes and tripping over each other. At one point Crowley lost his balance completely and slammed into the floor dragging Aziraphale with him. Crowley hit his head on the ballet bar along the side of the room. Everyone winced and watched them. 

"Angel! Are you ok?" Crowley was looking for any sign of injuries. 

"I'm fine my dear. Are you?" 

"Course I am I always am." Crowley stood up and helped Aziraphale up only for his head to swim and he fell down again. He pressed his hand to the back of his head and when he brought it back there was blood.

Zianna ran up to him.

"Should we call for an ambulance?" 

"Nah, it's fine just a little bump." Crowley deflected.

"A little bump, sir you're bleeding." A fellow student pointed out. 

"It's fine, nothing but a little cut." Crowley persisted. 

Zianna looked at Kate and they both nodded. 

"I think that'll be it for the lesson today. Thank you all for coming and we hope to see you next week." She hurried the class out. 

Aziraphale helped Crowley up. 

"Sorry Angel." He looked sheepish. 

Zianna approached them. 

"I would highly suggest that you see a doctor. A bump on the head can be pretty severe, you guys are welcome to come back next week." 

Zianna was thinking that it would be a miracle if these two managed to slow dance with each other. Aziraphale and Crowley pretended to agree to go to the hospital. 

As they left Kate wrapped her arms around Zianna and hugged her tightly.

"We're going to need a lot of patience with those two." Kate said and Zianna nodded. 

The weeks passed and the two didn't really improve, Crowley (doesn't always come as a male.) Was all legs, and Mr. Aziraphale must have had two left feet. Kate and Zianna had their work cut out for them. But eventually they got there, they found that things went much better if Aziraphale lead and Crowley followed Despite the height difference. They slowly improved although they definitely weren't going ever qualify for any type of competition. 

There was something interesting about them though. Whenever they were in class even if they were stumbling over each other, the other couples seemed to change. Old couples found themselves spry with youthful energy. Couples would be more loving and attentive to each other. People came away from the class drenched in love and affection. Those two seemed to love each other so much it was leeching it's way into the others. Why, one man even decided to propose to his girlfriend during one particular class. 

Crowley and Aziraphale didn't seem to notice the effect they were having on others. Because when they danced they only saw each other.


	23. Confession.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Ineffable Bureaucracy chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beelzebub and Gabriel have a consensual BDSM DOM/SUB relationship. So their interactions with each other is something both of them want and enjoy. If either of them didn't like it they would make it known and the other would respect it. BDSM is all about consent and enjoyment of it. If one party isn't into it the other must respect those boundaries. Don't be a Christian Grey. Respect your partners space and feelings.

Gabriel tapped his pen against his desk. Ignoring the files and forms he has to oversee.

How should he show Bee how much they mean to him? How should he tell them he loves them? He knows they love him even if they won't admit it, he can feel the love from them. And dammit if he doesn't think that they are perfect. He smiles to himself thinking of how adorable they are, and chuckles knowing that saying that out loud will get him a smack. He might do it for the thrill of it. 

  
  


What was he supposed to be doing again? 

Oh yes, paperwork. 

He can't seem to focus no matter what, all he can think about is Beelzebub. Their black hair, and vibrant eyes. The adorable way they buzz when angry. He's head over heels for them, he's screwed. He sighs into his hand and waves the paperwork away, pulling out his phone he dials the familiar number. It rings. 

"Albatrozz." Their voice buzzes back to him. 

.

. Gabriel's tongue is caught in his mouth.

.

"Gabriel are you therez?" Beelzebub buzzes. 

"Ah, yes! Sorry bit of a bad connection. I was wondering if you would like to ingest gross matter with me?" Gabriel spits out. 

"What??" Bee responded.

"Err what do humans call it again? You know when they stuff edible things in their mouths." 

"Food Gabriel, you're talking about food." Bee sighs into the phone. 

"Yes exactly, would you like to ingest food with me?" 

"Zure, I pick the place you pick the time." 

"Sounds great I'll pick you up at 7?" Gabriel writes this down. 

"Zure, zee you then Ztupid Cupid." Bee hangs up the phone.

Gabriel smiles to himself, as he sits down to think about what their date will be like another pile of paperwork appears on his desk. He sighs and gets to work. 

.

.

.

.

Gabriel meets Bee at their usual spot, they're sitting under an umbrella drinking pink liquid. He strides up to them. 

"Hey there Honey Bee." He smirks and dodges a kick.

"Where do you want to go?" He offers them his arm and they take it. 

"I've heard good thingz about thiz place on Piccadilly. Zuppozed to have really good food." 

They walked there not minding traffic laws or anything. As they did they chatted about how things were going with their respective sides. 

"You know how it is, all paperwork and bureaucracy. Fill out this form, stamp this one. It's all tiring." Gabriel griped and Bee laughed.

"You can blamez the zerpent for that one." Bee replied. 

"He made paperwork a thing?" They were approaching the Ritz. 

"Yeah, he zaid it would be a great torture device for humanz. Don't think he expected it to catch on everywhere elze." As they crossed the street they failed to notice the black Bentley in the parking lot.

The food was amazing, well Bee thought so. Gabriel still refused to sully his temple with it. Although he always made an exception for coffee. Mostly he just liked watching Bee eat. 

They seemed to relish every bite of food and it stirred something in him. Suddenly he had tried to miracle a room but found that the penthouse suite was already occupied. No matter, he'll take the next best thing. 

Pulling out a key he escorted them up to their room, where a bucket of chilled champagne waited next to a bed. Neither of them wasted any time as they pulled their clothes off and it was divine. Beelzebub was a possessive and greedy lover and Gabriel was more than happy to give. After they had exhausted themselves Bee lay in Gabriel's arms, they pulled out the champagne. Bee had managed to get Gabriel to drink some of it and he had to admit it tasted good. Bee quickly fell asleep and Gabriel got up to wander around. It was a couple hours later and he felt himself wanting an iced coffee. Grabbing the ice bucket he quietly went looking for a thing Bee called an ice machine. 

He whistled to himself as he poked around. He found one tucked in a corner and was trying to figure out how it worked when he heard a squeak and something clatter to the floor. 

Turning around he spotted a familiar face. 

Aziraphale was standing stock still and staring at him.

"Gabriel!" Aziraphale let out a breathless laugh. "W-what are you doing here?" He chuckled nervously. 

Gabriel looked nervous himself and hastily replied. 

"Nothing you need to wor-ohf!" Gabriel's words were knocked out of him as a red-headed blur slammed him up against the wall. Pinning him down. 

"Run, Aziraphale!" Crowley shouted behind him. 

Aziraphale tried to tell Crowley to calm down but then he was grabbed and pinned against the wall opposite wall. Beelzebub had a death grip on him. 

"Let him goez Zerpent." They buzzed at Crowley. 

"What! Why so you idiots can drag usss off! You let Aziraphale go." Crowley hissed back. 

"What! That'z not why we're herez! Juzt let him go." 

They argued back and forth at each for a few seconds before Gabriel finally spoke up. 

"Bee, put Aziraphale down!" He was getting impatient. Bee glared at him. 

"Don't make me ask nicely." Gabriel was ten seconds away from using the P-word. 

Bee buzzed angrily but dropped the angel nonetheless. 

Aziraphale straightened up. Smoothing out his wrinkles. 

"Crowley, would you put down Gabriel." He said in a kind but firm tone. Crowley glared at him like he was acting crazy. 

"Crowley." There was a gentle warning to his voice Crowley complied letting Gabriel lose. 

"Why are you here?" He hissed at Beelzebub. 

"That'z none of your buzinezz Zerpent." They buzzed back. 

Crowley allowed his fangs to descend. He was ready to fight but was pushed back by Aziraphale. Gabriel stepped in. 

"Look, whatever we're here for has nothing to do with either of you two. So why don't we all just go our separate ways." Gabriel stood in front of Beelzebub and looked Aziraphale in the eyes. Silently pleading for him to agree. 

"I think that sounds like a good idea, Crowley. Please dear let's go." Aziraphale pulled him along and they disappeared around a corner. 

Gabriel and Beelzebub went back to their room. 

Gabriel smiled at them. 

"Whatz?" They buzzed. 

"I just wanted you to know that I love you." He said without fully thinking about it. 

Bee's face grew red and they got really flustered. 

"Whatz?! What are you talking about? Why would you zay zomething like that!" They said, losing their breath. 

Gabriel just sighed and kissed them. 

  
  


"I know you love me too." 

"No you don'tz, you don't knowz at all." They reacted defensively. 

Gabriel chuckled. 

"You do realize that angels can detect love don't you?" He looked them in the eyes and they turned redder. 

"Come on, I could feel the love pouring off of you when you slammed Aziraphale into that wall. Which I have to say I didn't know you were that strong." Gabriel kissed them. 

Beelzebub cocked an eyebrow and smiled wickedly. 

"You want to see how strong I am? You really want to see?" They looked him dead in the eyes. 

Gabriel grinned back. 

"Yes, my Prince." He bent down for a kiss. 

"Nuh-uh not yet, you have to do exactly what I zay. You got it albatrozz?" They pushed him back onto the bed. 

Gabriel grinned as they came towards him. 

Oh how he loved his demon.


	24. Intimacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another day another chapter, how are you you all doing today?

Nanny Asoterath was scratching at her arms.

"What's wrong Nanny? Have you got the chicken pops?" Warlock was coloring in a Ghoulina's Creepatorium coloring book.

"It's Chicken Pox, and I'm fine dear. Just a little dry. That's a very nice brain there." She pointed at the page of what looked to be Public Domain Frankenstein scene.

"I read that brains are actually grey not pink, they're also filled with goo." 

Nanny laughed at this, she was pretty sure that this wasn't what Brother Francis intended when he gave Warlock a book on the human body.("Maybe he'll be a doctor and help people.") 

The rest of the day was spent trying not to scratch her skin off and trying to hide the fact that she was starting to flake. By the time she got back to the cottage where she was staying with Brother Francis she was going mad. Stripping off all but her underclothes she took some *steel wool and scratched at her arms. 

As she was focused on this she didn't hear Aziraphale come in. 

"Crowley!" Aziraphale's concerned voice shouted causing her to jump. 

She turned around and blushed as her scales dotted across her face and body. 

"What on earth are you doing?" 

Crowley turned really red, he never wanted Aziraphale to see him like this. But there was no point in hiding this, it happens every year anyways. 

"I'm shedding, I'm sorry Angel." He turned away embarrassed. 

Aziraphale came up and gently placed his hand on Crowley's arm. 

"So you're tearing up your skin because you're shedding?" 

"It's itchy as all Hell angel. I just wanted some relief." 

Aziraphale sighed and went into the bathroom. Crowley heard the water turn on and within a few minutes Aziraphale returned and pushed him into the bathroom. 

"Angel what are you doing?!" Crowley cried out as Aziraphale pushed him towards a steaming tub of oatmeal. 

"Well get in dear boy." Aziraphale said. 

"You want snake flavored oatmeal?" Crowley scratched at his arms again. 

"Oh for goodness sake Crowley, it's to stop the itching. You should know this, I thought you did research on childcare." Aziraphale huffed. 

"I did, I watched Mary Poppins and read Dr.Spock's baby and childcare book." 

Crowley started taking off his underclothes, he got into the tub and sighed at the immediate relief. 

"Oh that's much better." He submerged himself up to his nose. 

Aziraphale hummed knowingly as he handed Crowley a pourus stone. 

"What's this?" Crowley asked, taking it. 

"It's called a pumice stone, humans use it to clear away dead skin. It's a better alternative to dragging metal across your arms." 

Crowley found that the stone worked miles better. Soon most of his dead scales were gone and the itching had stopped completely. 

Crowley vanished the oatmeal and started to wash the rest of him. 

"Would you like me to do your hair?" Aziraphale offered. 

"That'd be nice." Crowley responded. 

He hummed contentedly as Aziraphale ran hot water and shampoo through his hair. The angel had an incredibly gentle touch, Crowley was becoming addicted to that touch. As he dried off Aziraphale set up the bed for him, he snapped his pajamas on and dried his hair. Crawling into bed he snuggled under the covers, as Aziraphale headed to the living room to read Crowley gently grabbed his hand.

"Stay?" Crowley asked in a small soft voice. 

"Are you sure? I'd hate to disturb your sleep." Aziraphale looked at him. 

"It's fine, really angel. Don't make me say the P-word." Crowley was close to begging.

Aziraphale smiled as he got into bed.

"Of course not my dear." He grabbed his book and began to read as Crowley fell asleep.

He smiled down at the sleeping demon and carded his fingers through his hair. 

"Goodnight Crowley." He placed a chaste kiss on the demon's head and gave a small chuckle at the pleased hiss he got in return.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *don't use steel wool to scratch an itch.
> 
> Ghoulina's Creepatorium is a gorey coloring book for adults. It's fun.


	25. First date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do you know how many times I wrote and rewrote this chapter because I couldn't decide on who to write about? It went from Gabe/Bee to Crowley/Aziraphale back to Gabe/Bee and then too Warlock/Adam and then back to Crowley/Aziraphale. Hope you like it.

The first time Crowley ever blessed something or someone was in 41A.D., he had followed the angel to a restaurant that served what in his opinion were grey blobs of snot. But it made the angel so happy and he made such delightful sounds. It stirred a fire in Crowley without realizing it he had given a blessing to the building. 

*If this is what it takes to get him to make those noises than I hope this place sticks around forever." 

"Crowley where are we going?" 

"You'll see Angel." 

Crowley held Aziraphale's hand as he weaved in and out of the streets of Rome. He had snuck up Aziraphale, blindfolded him and dragged him to Rome for their anniversary. He snickered as he pulled Aziraphale to a stop giving his angel a kiss on the cheek he removed the blindfold.   
Aziraphale glared at him for a moment before gasping when he realized where they were. 

"It's still here?" Aziraphale stared at the familiar restaurant, Patronus Palace was doing well for itself. It was bustling and popular. It had changed hands a few times as families married and produced children, and it had been closed during famines and the like. Still it never went out of business entirely a hidden gem of Rome. 

Crowley escorted Aziraphale inside and they sat in a private room. Aziraphale wasn't surprised to find oysters on the menu even if the restaurant had stopped serving them a while ago. He looked at Crowley who gave a knowing smirk. After a delicious dinner he shifted closer to Crowley. They were practically in each other's laps.

"Happy Anniversary Angel." He said taking his hand again and kissing it. 

Aziraphale grinned soppily but then pulled a puzzled face. 

"It hasn't even been a year since the Na-cho-pocolsype, what anniversary are you talking about?" He asked, staring into the golden eyes. 

"Yes but if my calculations are correct this is the anniversary of our "First Date"." Crowley smiled at him. 

"First Date? You mean in Rome all those years ago?" Crowley nodded. 

"Have you been keeping track this entire time?" 

Crowley shook his head. "Naw just went off the movements of the heavens." Crowley said it like it was a common way of telling time. 

*Well if you helped build the stars you can keep track of their movements.* 

Aziraphale chuckled warmly and snuggled up to Crowley so more. "Thank you for tonight." They kissed and neither came up for air for quite a while. 

As they headed home Aziraphale felt inclined to ask. 

"What really amazes me is how this place has kept going for all these thousands of years. Was that you?" He asked as he walked hand in hand with Crowley. 

Crowley considered this for a moment. 

"I'm not sure I thought it was your blessing." 

"Maybe." Aziraphale shrugged and they thought very little of it after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My brother actually wanted me to do that annoying cliche of the childhood best friends becoming lovers with Adam/Pepper. Nope!


	26. First love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was a bit of rush job, I might come back and tweak it but I wanted to get it out in time. Still hope you people enjoy it.

Gabriel looked in the bathroom mirror and grinned at himself. He headed out of the bathroom and passed Aziraphale's room. Aziraphale was reading a book by his desk. The same book he had been reading last night, it looked like he was mostly through it. Gabriel sighed and knocked on the door, Aziraphale gave a small start. 

"Oh Gabriel! Didn't hear you come in, did you need something?" He asked rubbing his eyes. 

"Aziraphale, do you know what time it is?" 

Aziraphale looked at his watch and jumped up. 

"Oh dear, I'm running late." He said running around the room grabbing his jacket and brushing his hair. 

Gabriel just watched as he did. 

"I thought you didn't have classes on Tuesdays?" He said as Aziraphale bustled out of the room.

"Oh I don't but I'm meeting with a friend and I really shouldn't be late. Taataa." With that he left and Gabriel just grabbed an apple before heading to class. 

Along the way he passed by the cafe and saw Aziraphale chatting away with this red headed boy. The boy looked like he walked off a rock band CD. They were sitting very close to each other and the boy at one point grabbed Aziraphale's hand. Causing his little brother to blush and smile. Gabriel couldn't understand Aziraphale being gay but vowed to protect him. He was the only family who bothered to talk to Aziraphale anymore. 

How their parents could think that disowning him would fix him he couldn't be sure. He was prepared to do what it took to bring Aziraphale back to God. He was running late to class, he could deal with Aziraphale later.   
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
Gabriel slogged through the front door he cracked his neck and almost called out to Aziraphale before he was shused by the redhead he saw earlier. The boy was in the little kitchen of their flat cooking. 

"Umm, hello there. Who are you?" He said with a gameshow smile. 

"Crowley, and be quiet Zira is sleeping." He grumbled at him. 

"I see and what are you doing here?" Gabriel asked tensing. 

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm making him something to eat. For someone so clever he's sure stupid enough to stay up all night and forget to eat or sleep." Crowley plated the food and walked into Aziraphale's room shutting the door behind him.   
.  
.  
Gabriel wanted to go in there, wanted to confront him but he didn't. He would at least give him the decency to talk to him in private when Crowley left.   
.  
.  
.  
It didn't go well, he had shouted at Aziraphale about God and Heaven. About Crowley and the freaks he hung out with, he'd seen some of them. The two men who seemed to hang off each other. The shaggy haired girl who didn't look like she'd ever seen a dress or a mirror. He wouldn't let his little brother be pulled into hell. Aziraphale did not take this, gone was the little boy everyone could easily push around. He stormed out of the flat in tears and as he watched him go Gabriel felt like his heart was burning.   
.  
.  
.  
.  
Gabriel had been drinking when he heard a knock on the door. It was 10 at night, peeking through the peephole he saw the shaggy girl that hung around Crowley. He was worried something happened to Aziraphale. He hurriedly opened the door, Only to be punched in the gut.

"What the heck was that for?" He breathed out. 

"Being an asshole, you're the only family your brother has left and you treat him like that?" They buzzed. 

"I'm trying to save him from a path that will lead him into hell." Gabriel defended.

"And you don't think it already feels like that for him?" They glared at him. 

"Why don't you take a step out of your robotic polished shoes and see what being human is really about?" They left a card for him and stormed off. 

Gabriel grabbed it. PFLAG? He's never heard of it. He decided to call them in the morning.   
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
Gabriel did in fact call them he also attended a meeting, he realized he wasn't alone in his feelings. But he also realized that if he wasn't careful his actions could lead Aziraphale to his death. He decided to try.   
.  
.  
.  
Gabriel apologized to Aziraphale and told him he was willing to try and understand him. He also hung out with some of his friends. All of whom had strange names.

Hastur and Ligur were childhood friends turned lovers, Dagon was a trans woman, and Bee the person who punched him into seeing from another point of view. Bee was amazing, the more time he spent around them(he learned pronouns were a thing) the more he felt like he was falling head over heels for. They were stubborn and combative, they were fierce and detrimend and he couldn't get enough of them.   
He found himself asking them out one night and they said yes! Aziraphale thought this was very amusing and agreed to help him get ready for his date.   
.  
.  
"Do stop fussing Gabriel, you'll make yourself bald." Aziraphale straightened his hair and handed him his purple scarf. 

"How do I look? How do I smell?" He asked nervously. 

"You smell fine and you look good, stop worrying so much Bee isn't that scary." Aziraphale chided and received a chuckle from Crowley. 

"Angel has never seen them when there's only one donut left." Crowley snickered as the doorbell rang. 

Gabriel answered it to see Bee standing there looking wonderful in a black dress and ripped jeans. They even brushed their hair, when he pointed this out he received a small smack for it.   
.  
.  
.  
The date was going well and Gabriel was pretty sure that he had fallen in love with Bee. He'd wait to tell them that though. He grinned as they came into view, catching them in his crosshairs he smirked as he pulled the trigger. Hitting them right on the elbow with a pink paint pellet. They cursed up a storm and Gabriel let out a laugh. This proved to be a mistake when he was shot in the jaw by a blue pellet and it got in his mouth.


	27. Candle light dinner

It's freezing the storm has yet to cease and Aziraphale is stuck in the darkness of the ark. 

He used up a lot of miracles to keep Noah and his family warm and safe. Now he's exhausted, freezing and wondering what Gabriel will think if he discorperated from the cold. 

"What a complete nightmare that will be." He thinks to himself as he checks on the animals. 

As he inspects the pens, making sure everyone is asleep and none are hurt. He feels an odd warmth from the other end of the hall he's in.   
He follows the warmth and reveals in it, he has to wonder who put it here. He approaches the pen and finds the source of the warmth. Multiple pairs of eyes blink at him through the darkness. One of them is golden and slited. 

"Crawly?" Aziraphale eyes adjust to the darkness and he can see better. 

He's surrounded by a small group of children, a couple of whom Aziraphale recognises from the crowd that watched Noah. 

"Hello Aziraphale, what are you doing here?" He smiles at him, his cheeks dimpling, it's rather nice to look at. 

"I am here to watch over Noah's family and the ark. What are you doing?" 

"Thwarting God's plan. Ensuring that the sinful blood lives on and what not." He gestured to the children. 

Aziraphale gives a small smile at this. It's hard to take him seriously as an evil demon when he's holding a baby and allowing said baby to suckle his finger. 

"You know Crawly, you have to feed kids." Aziraphale chided. 

"Yeah I know, I'll get to it in a minute. Hard enough keeping this pen warm." He shivered a little, snakes don't really like the cold. 

Aziraphale snaps and the room is lit with up candles and an extra miracle insures that they'll keep the pen warm. Crawly lets out a sigh of relief drinking in the heat. After a minute he snaps and a bowl of food appears along with a cup of *goats milk for the baby. Aziraphale smiles as he watches Crawly feed the little one. Such a tender moment to witness. Crawly catches him looking. 

"Hold her? While I get the others fed. asks holding the infant out to him. "Mind her head." 

Aziraphale takes the child who stares up at him with brown eyes. Crawly is handing out food to the children when the baby starts to cry. She doesn't like that the demon has gone away at all. Crawly finishes making sure everyone else has food and comes to sit down, taking the infant again who immediately calms down.   
Crawly finds it amusing that the infant prefers a demon over an angel. 

"Here Angel." Crawly holds out an apple and some bread, he's chewing on some grapes.

Aziraphale stills for a second. 

"Come on now, I know you like to eat human food, and besides it's not the apple from the Garden." He smiles again as Aziraphale takes it. They chat and laugh with each other under the soft glow of candle light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *you can actually give infants goats milk as it doesn't have lactose in it.


	28. Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taken from my Birds and Bees Fanfic. Tomorrow is going to be a special request fic for my brother who is my Beta-reader. Check the tags if you're curious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene is too cute not to put here. Incase you're wondering Crowley's wedding ring is Aziraphale's signat ring.

Crowley and Aziraphale were in Tadfield and Aziraphale watched from the shade of the trees as Crowley chased around the Them. Smiling fondly as the big scary demon chased them having made themselves look like Bigfoot. The kids laughed loudly at Aziraphale felt himself wondering for not the first or last time. If he'll ever stop falling in love with his demon. For he did love Crowley, he spent 6,000 years denying any incrum of positive feelings for them because he was afraid. But now that was over, now he could be free to love Crowley as much as the demon deserved. 

"Adam Young for the last time you and your friends get away from my apples." 

Aziraphale looked up from his book as he watched Crowley and the Them run back into view each carrying a small handful of Mr.Tyler's apples. He probably should discourage them from stealing, but it is just food and food should be enjoyed. Besides in his opinion Mr.Tyler was a rather crotchety man. Crowley ran up laughing and plopped down on the picnic blanket. 

"Hey Angel." They gave him a kiss on his cheek. 

"I see you're encouraging theft in the kids. I'm sure Hell isn't keeping tabs anymore." Aziraphale chastised smiling as he did so. 

"Eh, it's fun to sow discord. Besides Adam tells me that Mr. Tyler doesn't even eat or sell the apples. He just bins them can you believe it?" 

Crowley looks at him while making a show of organizing the apples by appearance. One seemed a bit smaller than the others.

"Really? Well that is rather wasteful. All that food that could be given to those who would appreciate it more." 

"I know! People starving all over the world and he bins perfectly good apples like this one." 

Crowley holds one out to Aziraphale. 

At first glance it's rather lovely if small, it's bright red too. It doesn't look like a real apple it looks more like a box? 

Aziraphale gasps as he takes the box he opens it up and there's a gold ring in there. It's in the shape of a snake and the eye is a sky blue sapphire. 

"Oh---Crowley!" His eyes are tearing up, he looks at Crowley who's blushing and trying to avoid eye contact.

"What do you say Angel? Been 6,000 years might as well shout it for the world to hear." Crowley can see the Them behind the angel grinning at them. 

"Of course I will!" Aziraphale launches forward and kisses his beloved demon. He slips the ring on and the Them run and tackle the two of them in a dog pile. With Dog managing to get to the highest point.


	29. The Omens Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley gets summoned to dinner with a rather strange family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry I disappeared, I've been struggling with my depression and writers block. I'm working on getting back into the swing of things. Here's the final chapter of this fic. I hope you enjoy.

The Addams family meets Crowley and Aziraphale.

Crowley and Aziraphale were doing what they always did. Sitting in the back of the bookshop drinking wine and laughing with each other.  
Crowley was trying to remember what he was talking about, was it ducks or ganders or something? Whatever. He was trying to make a point, when he felt it. A small pinch, 

"Oh buggering Heavens." He grumbled.

"Whatever is wrong my dear?" Aziraphale was slumped in his seat, looking at him through his wine glass. 

"I'm being summoned." 

The pinching wasn't too bad, whoever was doing it must be new to it or something. Still ignoring it would rip Crowley apart in an excruciating painful way. 

"Oh dear." Aziraphale sat up straighter.

"Don't worry about it angel, I'll pop in and come back as soon as I can." 

With that he popped out of the room. A quick flash and he popped into another room. He heard a laughing voice.

"Bravo Pugsley!" 

Well this was new, he looked around the room and saw the oddest people he's ever seen. They all looked like they popped out of an old fashioned monster movie.

"I did it! Look mother, father!" A chubby boy was sitting on the edge of the circle with a book called.

"Beginners guide to demon summoning." 

Sitting in front of him. 

"Well done my little pustule." A bald, deep socketed man limped into view. 

The man circled around Crowley before giving him a deep bow. Crowley's eyes adjusted to the light.

"Oh Satan, even the house looks like a haunted mansion." Crowley looked around the room taking in everyone in it. 

There was a man and his wife arms wrapped around each smiling, a little old lady that looked like she popped straight out of the Grimm's fairy tales. A tall lurching man who looked like *Frankenstein's anorexic cousin and Crowley jumped as she slinked into view. A little girl looking like one of those creepy porcelain dolls. The family had an odd scent to them, as if they weren't completely human. Or mortal whatever it was it was ooky.

"Umm, hi." Crowley said, waving. "So, to what do I owe my summons for?" He asked. 

The little boy looked at him and then to his parents. Crowley hoped he wasn't about to be sacrificed or anything or made into a child's play thing.

"Well Pugsley, it's your call." The father encouraged.

"Umm, I think I want you to, umm." The boy looked back at Crowley who flashed a small smile. 

"Can they stay for dinner?" The little boy asked, looking at his mother. 

"You have to ask them, but remember to only sell your soul for something valuable. Like world power or nuclear weapons." The mother replied. 

"Hello Demon, I'm Pugsley. Would you join us for dinner?" The little boy grinned at him. 

Crowley considered it. These people were strange and a little kooky but being asked to dinner was probably the most benign thing they could ask him to do. 

"Sure kid. Just dinner though." Crowley held out his hand. 

The boy Pugsley considered it for a minute before shaking his hand. The circle was broken and Crowley stepped out. The man came up to him and clapped him on the shoulder. 

"Greetings friend, I am Gomez Addams and this is my family. My wife." 

"Morticia Addams, charmed." She held out her hand and Crowley took it, placing a chaste kiss on it. 

"My brother." The man pointed at baldy.

"Fester Addams. Good to meat you! Get it Meat." He let out a breathless laugh.

"My horrendous children Wednesday and Pugsley." 

The little boy beamed brightly at him, the little girl gave a smile that made Crowley uncomfortable. 

"Lurch of course." Gomez gestured to the silent man in the corner. 

"And our nearly dearly departed Matriarch, Grandmama." The little hag came up to him. 

"You're a handsome one aren't you, are you seeing anyone by chance?" She said, batting her eyes at him. 

"Yup." This was turning out to be the weirdest summoning he's experienced and that includes those three witch sisters from San Francisco. 

Suddenly he felt something crawling on him, It tapped his shoulder. Crowley spun around but there was no one there. He felt a tap on his other shoulder followed by a barking laugh. 

"Of course how thoughtless of me." Gomez grabbed something off his shoulder. 

Crowley looked at it, it was a hand. It wasn't connected to anything but it moved like it was. 

"This is Thing." He held the hand up and Crowley shook it. 

"So demon do you have a name you prefer to go by?"

"Er, Crowley is fine." Crowley responded. 

"Well Crowley then, dinner won't be another couple of hours. How about a tour of our home?" Gomez looked giddy. 

"I should probably get back to my friend he is waiting for me." Crowley tried to deflect. 

"Ah, well you've already agreed to dinner." Gomez reminded him. 

**"Curse whoever made the demon summoning rules." Crowley thought.

"Well, why not invite your friend to join us?" The woman, Morticia spoke in a sultry sweet voice that Crowley was eager to get tips on. 

Crowley thought about it for a moment, he really wanted to leave but was bound by the rules. As far as he could tell apart from being kooky and maybe clinically insane these people wouldn't bring him harm. He also figured that it would be fun to see how the angel deals with this scenario. He grinned and pulled out his mobile. 

"Alright then, but I have to call him through the phone lines. Give me a moment." He said, He stepped away for a moment and dialed up Aziraphale.   
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
Aziraphale had sobered up after Crowley disappeared. He waited by the phone in case Crowley called and needed him. He was drumming his fingers on his thigh while waiting.   
Humming along to Bach's greatest hits (a gift from Crowley.) He gave a small start when the phone rang.   
.  
.  
"Crowley?" He said, picking up the phone.   
.  
.  
"Hey Angel."   
.  
"Are you alright? Do you need any help?" Aziraphale's voice was slightly worried.   
.  
"Oh I'm peachy Angel, don't worry everything is alright, but I do need you to come over."   
.  
"Over? Where are you?" Aziraphale asked.   
.  
.  
"I'm in America, hold on." Crowley muffled the speaker for a minute. "Oi where about in America are we? Yeah? Alright then here's where you need to go." Crowley rattled off the address.   
.  
.  
"That's quite a jump Crowley." Aziraphale responded.   
.  
"Just do the phone thing I taught you." Crowley said, sounding a little impatient.   
.  
"What phone thing?"   
.  
"Were you seriously not paying attention?" Crowley groaned. "Alright just give me a minute...oh wait! Aziraphale."  
.  
.  
"Yes, My Dear? "   
.  
.  
"Grab a bottle of the 1929 Rockefeller if we have any, you know the one I'm talking about."   
.  
Aziraphale put down the phone for a minute there was the sound of muffled footsteps, and then he returned.   
.  
"Crowley?"   
.  
"You there Angel?"   
.  
"Yes, I have the wine as well."   
.  
"Alright, I'm going to need you to hold still and not panic ok."   
.  
.  
"Not panic? Whatever are you plan--Oh!"   
Aziraphale's words were cut off as a hand reached out of the phone, grabbed him and pulled him through. After a few seconds of being reduced to a mere electrical spark Aziraphale was pulled through Crowley's mobile and popped into another room. Aziraphale wavered a bit but Crowley held firm. 

A boisterous laugh filled his ears. 

"That was brilliant!" A man who seemed to constantly be chewing on a cigar came up and introduced himself and his family. Crowley just snickered at Aziraphale's face as he took in what he was seeing. 

Aziraphale was caught between being very confused and rather bewildered. The introductions to the family, all of whom had odd names. Though neither he nor Crowley were ones to talk. He handed over the wine to the man named Gomez and suddenly they were whisked away on a tour of the home. 

Despite being odd and spooky these had to be some of the politest and happiest (don't tell them that.) People he's ever met. Aziraphale just followed along not wanting to leave Crowley's side as they went. At least not until they got to the library, 

His eyes lit up when he saw all the books, although he got quite the startle when he opened a collection of Grimm's fairy tales and the wolf from Red Riding Hood popped out. He managed to avoid the beast ducking out of the way as it bared its teeth at him. 

"Crowley! Do something!" He said carefully taking steps to avoid the wolf while not being a sitting target. 

"What do you want me to do?" Crowley asked.

"Tell it to stand down or something." 

"Angel it's a wolf not a Hellhound it won't listen to me." Crowley sighed and snapped his fingers, with a quick miracle the book flew out and forced the wolf back in.

The tour continued as they walked through the house, as they climbed up the staircase Gomez was boasting about the long and sorrid history of the house. 

Crowley snickered to himself as they walked holding Aziraphale's hand as the angel took in the macabre family. They make they're way across the grounds and Crowley gets distracted by the ***greenhouse. He quickly breaks off and heads in to find a vibrant garden of wickedly dangerous ****plants. Morticia proudly points out her favorites including a massive picther plant that could swallow up Aziraphale. Crowley looks at it with a gleam in his eyes, Aziraphale's face sours a little. 

"I am not having one of those in my bookshop." He says as he bats away a vine trying to grab at him.

"Oh come on Angel, just think. If Beelzebub or Gabriel came around we could feed them to it." 

Crowley says laughing. Aziraphale smiled slightly at the idea but then changed it to a scowl. 

Grandmamma called out that dinner was ready and they headed into the dungeon like kitchen. 

Crowley tasted the air.

"Smells good." He said as they sat him and Aziraphale at the head of the table. Seats of honor style. Plates of something that was gray and red were placed in front of them. For once it was Crowley who was eating and not Aziraphale. Aziraphale had taken a single bite of the food and found it detestable. Crowley on the other hand seemed to love it, he was chatting away with Morticia who was holding her husband's hand as she talked. 

Aziraphale had to admit that it was obvious that this family loved each other, even as he watched Wednesday cut up her steak while staring her brother dead in the eyes. 

"Tell us how did you two meet each other?" Morticia's melodic voice carried over to Aziraphale. He jumped a little bit and turned to Crowley, blushing. He loved telling this story, Crowley just shook his head laughing.

"Well you see it all started in the Garden, I was supposed to be on apple tree duty." 

Aziraphale proceeds to tell the whole thing from the first day they met to canceling Armageddon.

The Addams listen with rapture although they seem a little disappointed to hear that they went about stopping the Not-cho-pocolyspe. Gomez and Morticia smiled when they talked about how long they had known each other. 

"Love is the most beautiful thing isn't it? To have someone that you would die for, that you would kill for. That you would hide a body or three for." 

As Gomez spoke he kissed up Morticia's arm and she encouraged it. They were embracing each other and making a bit of a scene. 

Aziraphale and Crowley just looked around sheepishly. Wednesday and Pugsley were too busy taking turns trying to stab each other's hands, Grandmamma looked at them and beamed. Fester just stared at the display with heated intrest. This was getting a bit much for the two. 

"Anywayss, we should probably get going. Lots of thingss to do." Crowley hissed and Aziraphale nodded in agreement. 

Gomez looked up at them with lipstick all over his face. 

"Of course, of course. We hate to keep you." They all stood up and escorted the two to the room that Crowley had been summoned to. Morticia veered off for a moment as they walked, Pugsley went up and tugged on Crowley's jacket. 

"Do you really have to leave Mister Crowley?" He asked.

"Fraid so, kid contract is over, lots of demonic things to get done." Pugsley face fell. 

"Will you come back, if we call you?" Wednesday asked, staring at him as if she was a little smitten. 

"Maybe, umm give me a heads up first." 

Crowley said as Morticia came up with a book and a plant in her hands. She handed the plant to Crowley. 

"Here, a cutting of my prized Belladonna plant, it is extremely potent and will make for the best poisons. And this, we thought you might enjoy it more.." She said handing the Grimm's fairytales to Aziraphale. He lit up at this taking the book and beaming brightly. He snapped the plant and the book back to the shop.

"Oh, oh thank you. This is so lovely." He smiled and gave her a hug. 

They waved bye as Crowley dailed up the bookshop phone. With a final farewell they dissolved into the phone lines and popped back out into the sitting room. 

Crowley straightened up and dusted himself and Aziraphale. 

"Well that was a thing." He shook off the electric jitters that came with traveling by phone. 

"I'd agree with you, lovely people but certainly---." Aziraphale paused for a word. 

"Creepy? Mysterious? All together kooky?" Crowley replied. 

"Yes. Very as you said. Kooky. And I don't know what the heavens they called food there but I could go for some actual food." He looked at Crowley who just smiled at him. 

"I thought it was delicious, but alright Angel." Crowley kissed him and they headed out to the Bentley. 

"Still not as weird as that time we ran into that bloke with a police box." Crowley commented.

They got into the Bentley and took off to find a decent place to eat that was open at 4 in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *We all know Frankinstien was the doctor but it's easier this way. 
> 
> **Crowley helped write most of them, to be fair he was incredibly drunk.
> 
> ***Yes I know that the Addams family greenhouse is actually filled with dead plants but I think if Crowley saw that he'd leave and curse them as he did. (They'd like it so he might actually get Aziraphale to bless them)
> 
> ****Instead of a bunch of dead plants she grows some of the world's most dangerous ones. 
> 
> Look up pitcher-plants and don't sleep.


End file.
